I Respectfully Disagree

My friend Thom writes a great blog. And one of the things I appreciate most about his blog is that it makes me think. Sometimes he writes things with which I initially disagree, but his clear examination of the issue makes me at least think, if not revise my own views. One of Thom's recent posts really got me thinking. He talks about how we sometimes throw out our opinions on controversial topics without really considering who we might be offending. He makes some very good points.

I totally agree with this:

People who would never dream of marching around the office or grocery store spouting pro-life slogans or religious denunciations will gladly do so on Facebook–in front of many of those very same people. Not only is Facebook making us stupid, it’s making us insensitive.

I see a lot of hate on Facebook and frankly, it is upsetting. I love that one friend of mine is so positive. In fact, she occasionally posts reminders to her friends that they can post what they want on their own walls, but posts directly to her wall and comments on her posts should remain positive.

Facebook definitely has its drawbacks, but I also know how important Facebook, Twitter, and blogging have been for me in letting the world see the real me. I was always very careful about what I said or did around certain people. My church friends knew one person. My school friends knew another. People from work knew another person too. I kept my life compartmentalized. If a topic of discussion came up and I disagreed with the majority of the group I was with, I just kept quiet rather than sharing my own views. And after awhile it's hard to remember who you can say what to, so you don't say anything at all.

Social media changed that for me. The fact that I didn't have to deal with the immediate disapproval of my friends meant that it was a little safer to say what I really felt. Don't get me wrong, I still choose my words very carefully, but I think that the people that really follow my life on FB and my blog know the real Jeannine better than some people that only know me in real life. Social media can be a source of negativity and hatred. It can also help people like me to live with more integrity. The things I write will be there forever. I want what I write today to accurately represent the person I am today.

I disagree with the maxim Thom references about never discussing religion or politics. I think both need much more discussion. The problem is that we don't discuss. We state our opinion and then close our ears while someone else states theirs. We don't really listen and we don't try to understand. We know that our side is right and theirs is wrong, and we leave the "discussion" knowing no more than we did before. My personal opinion is this: when considering some of the current issues facing our country, if you aren't feeling at least a little conflicted about your choice, you don't know enough about the other side yet.

I want you to share your opinions, views, and beliefs with me. And I want to share mine with you. And then I want to talk about the things that brought us to those conclusions. And then, I want it to be OK for both of us to say "thank you, but I respectfully disagree," and no one gets offended and friends stay friends. We may even learn something from each other. Is that really so impossible?

This last quote from Thom brings up the most important issue of any communicating we do, whether in person or online. It's all about respect, people.

This country has no chance of ever solving its problems so long as we refuse to accord others the same respect we demand for ourselves. Social media makes it very easy to demand. But respect is increasingly harder to come by.

Finally, I want to share with you something that I found very beautiful. I totally agree with her. But that doesn't mean you need to. You may disagree. I will not be offended. And if you're not ashamed to know me, I will still be your friend.