Thoughts for the day

If you didn't have deadlines, how would you know how far behind you are?

If you don't have a plan, how can you change it?


-- Posted from my iPhone

Winter solstice

Do you remember that post about trying to enjoy December again? I said I wasn't going to add anything to the calendar, but I changed my mind. Sometime between my coaching with Ruth and the High School choir concerts later that evening, I'm going to find time for a personal Winter Solstice Celebration.

I can't handle the dark anymore and I'm very much looking forward to longer days. I can handle the ice and snow if I have some sun.

Any suggestions for what I should do?


-- Posted from my iPhone

Why the Christmas Gifts This Year Will Be Cheap (I Mean Inexpensive)

Someday I hope to be financially able to spend a lot of money on my family and friends for Christmas. But it's not happening this year. Once again, the "big" presents will be things that the rich people I work for would call "stocking stuffers". If you're disappointed in your gift, here's why I couldn't spend more--in recent months I've been spending a lot of money taking care of me and my business and my home.

July--Purchased iPhone for my studio. Not cheap, but oh so worth it.
October--Car repairs. Stupid little things. The parts weren't much. It was the labor that made the bill so big.
--I had the furnace and furnace ducts cleaned. The same company also cleaned the bird's nest and all the backed up lint out of my dryer vent.
--Paid for the expensive, "empowered water" people to come clean my carpets. Yes, the carpets are cleaner and no chemicals were involved, but I'm not sure it's amazing enough to pay that price again.
November--The Dentist. At least it was only a cleaning, check-up and oral cancer screening. But $200??? And that was with the discount for paying that day. I should just be glad I can put off the crowns awhile longer. After reviewing my sleep study from couple of years ago, the dentist also recommended a splint to wear at night to help with the snoring. I said I'd wait on that. I sleep alone and the neighbors aren't banging on the walls yet.
--I still need to buy a plane ticket to WA which won't be cheap.

I'm really not complaining. Life is expensive. I know that. I just want you to know that your small and inexpensive, but meaningful gift was chosen because I am broke, not because I don't love you.

Pep talk

I read this amazing Nanowrimo pep talk this morning and thought I would share it with you. It spoke to me on a lot different levels. Of course, it spoke to the writer in me, but also to the singer, and also to the regular everyday me just trying to get through life and make a difference.

I hope you enjoy it. I'll try to comment more about it later.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/node/3457857

Putting Happy Back in My Holidays

I went through several years where I despised the month of December. Yes you read that right. I hated Christmas. It's also the month of my birthday. The two biggest celebrations of the year in the same month, and I hated that month.

When I was in college, somehow my birthday almost always fell during finals week. Happy Birthday! Not! My birthday month was connected with stress and sleep deprivation.

As I left school and began my life as a working professional, other stressors entered the December fun. How do I pay for the plane ticket home, or if I don't go home will they all be mad? What do I buy for family members that I only see once a year and don't really know all that well anymore? Oh yeah, and it can't cost very much. Then there were years when 1 or more of the grandparents were living with my parents and there were simply too many adults in the same house. When I couldn't handle the conversation (if you could call it that) I'd get up and go to the kitchen for some fudge. I ate a lot of fudge one year.

Then there is all the stress of holiday performances, both my own and those of my students. Then there are all the parties to go to, some of which I enjoy, but all of which take time that I wish I could use for other things.

OK, this post is not really about all the horrible things about the holidays. It's really about what I've been doing and what I'm planning to do this year to reclaim the joy of the holiday season and let go of some of the stress.

First we have to get through Thanksgiving. I'm doing things a little differently this year. OK, a lot different. I'm doing the eat-too-much-wonderful-food thing this week. And then I am spending Thanksgiving alone. No, please do not feel sorry for me and invite me over. I want to do this. I am choosing it. Rather than waiting for January 1, Thanksgiving Day is the day that I am starting a new phase of my life. And I will be celebrating quietly at home. I'm putting together a list of music that I want to list to that reminds me of all the wonderful things that I am thankful for. So far the list includes Mahler's "Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen"(I have a couple of really good performances of it that I will be listening to), John Denver's "It Amazes Me", and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing Mack Wilberg's setting of Oliver Wendell Holmes text," Thou Gracious God, Whose Mercy Lends". Feel free to send recommendations of other songs to add to the list.

I've decided not to let myself get stressed this December. My calendar is currently as full as I'm going to allow it to be. I'm emailing the family to find out what everybody needs and/or wants for Christmas. Then I at least have some ideas. I'm going to listen to Christmas music--good Christmas music--everyday. I might even decorate this year. If it's all still up in April, you can come over and help me put it away.

What I'm not going to do in December is let the sugar control my life. Yes I love it, but it really doesn't love me, and I'm pretty sure that the world doesn't love me much when I've had too much sugar. So, this year, the holidays are not going to be about food. I'm going to find other ways to celebrate that don't involve food, caffeine, or alcohol. I'm going to do things that make me happy.

Diversity

Warning: This is one of those posts, that might upset both my liberal and conservative friends. The views expressed here are mine, and mine alone, and do not represent any of the organizations of which I am a part.

I spent this weekend with a huge and crazy group of writers. We come from many walks of life, but are united by our crazy desire to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. The people I was with this weekend were maybe a little crazier than most Nanowrimo participants. You see, we were on a 28 hour write-in tour. Yes, 28 hours of writing. Granted, most of us didn't do the whole tour, but most people were there for quite awhile.

But I'm not here to talk about Nanowrimo or the tour. This post is about diversity. Diversity has become the rallying cry of the liberals, and practically a swear word among the conservatives. I was reminded this weekend just how diverse my friends are.

At the first write-in stop I overheard an interesting conversation. Someone was complaining about a friend/relative's complete anti-gay stance and this person's complete lack of morals in his/her own life while they continued to stand in judgement of homosexuals. Then I heard, "Don't get me wrong, I really do like Christians, it's just..." and the rest doesn't really matter. I just found it quite amusing that in the middle of Lutheran Minnesota, I was a minority as a Christian in this group. I had never really considered their religious beliefs or affiliations. That is not what our relationships are based on.

My friends are my friends because we share common interests. That doesn't mean we agree on everything. We shouldn't. That would be boring. I am friends with writers because of our love of writing. I am friends with musicians because of our love of music. And in both of those groups, I meet a wide variety of people with extremely diverse lives and beliefs. It's not my job to make them see the world like I do. My job is to take them as they are and build a friendship from the things we have in common.

This week, I received a well intentioned email reminding me that I shouldn't succumb to the pressures of the world to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas". I shouldn't let the world take Christ out of this holiday. I was both pleased that these people were sharing their beliefs and saddened that according to this email, wishing my Jewish friend and co-worker "Happy Holidays" was compromising my own beliefs. I grew up in a small isolated community where the majority of the people belonged to one Christian church. I knew there were "others" out there, but non-members tended to downplay that status focusing instead on other things. In this community I knew very few non-Christians. Merry Christmas was a greeting that made sense in this community. In my current community, I encounter people of many religions, or no religion. Part of being a community is respecting those differences. I know some Christians who would be very upset if someone wished them a "Happy Hanukkah" or invited them to a Winter Solstice party. I think "Happy Holidays" is a great way to say, "Hey I'm celebrating. I don't know what you are celebrating, but I wish you the best anyway." Anyway, that was the long way of saying, "Dear Christian friends, please don't get on my case if I slip up and say Happy Holidays, instead of Merry Christmas. I wish all of my friends peace and happiness."

(My internet keeps disconnecting. Is it God telling me not to post this, or Satan placing obstacles in the way of my doing what is right?)

Now on to an even touchier subject. This week two Facebook friends posted references to the Catholic church threatening to stop serving the homeless in DC if the city doesn't change a proposed same-sex marriage law. While I think it is sad, I also believe that the Catholic Church has the right to make that choice. Instead of complaining that they will stop giving, perhaps the rest of us can consider how we can give more.

I will defend the right of a church to choose whom they will serve, to determine what they consider sin, and to choose how much to include or not include homosexuals in their church meetings and rituals.

I will also stand with my gay friends in defense of their rights to be treated with dignity and fairness, including matters of marriage and domestic partnerships.

Is there anyone out there that isn't mad at me now?

Sleep

Sleep. Re-charging. Healing. Escaping. A waste of time. A nuisance. A luxury. A necessity.

What does sleep mean to you? At different points in my life, it has meant different things.

In high school, when I was really depressed, it was both a response to the extreme fatigue accompanying the depression, and an escape from things I didn't want to deal with.

In college, sleep was for people that didn't have very much to accomplish--people that weren't concerned about their grades and weren't involved in too many things. I had a goal to get 8 hours of sleep for the 2 weeks before any major performance. I knew my body needed sleep, I just couldn't justify wasting the time, except when a performance was coming up. I remember many nights getting home from rehearsals after 10pm, doing homework, going to bed and then being down at the concert hall practing by 6am the next morning. That kind of schedule would kill me today.

I have fibromyalgia, a syndrome that is connected to poor sleep. If I don't get a sufficient amount of quality sleep, the pain, depression, fatigue, and other symptoms are much worse. This week I have gone to bed insanely early, leaving dishes in the sink and other housework undone, but I have felt so much better.

I also am an extremely creative dreamer and can often influence the direction my dreams take. I must admit, that sometimes I sleep because I really enjoy dreaming, even the really weird and bizarre dreams.

Here's a poem from John Fletcher that I absolutely love. I hope you do too.

Come, Sleep, and with thy sweet deceiving
Lock me in delight awhile;
Let some pleasing dream beguile
All my fancies; that from thence
I may feel an influence
All my powers of care bereaving.
Though but a shadow, but a sliding,
Let me know some little joy!
We that suffer long annoy
Are contented with a thought
Through an idle fancy wrought:
O let my joys have some abiding!

John Fletcher