There is more than one right way

Cancer sucks. I don't think many people would disagree with me about that. Today it would be difficult to find someone whose life has not been touched by cancer, either their own or that of a friend or family member. During 2011, I watched, mostly from the sidelines, as 3 dear women dealt with their cancer.

One very young mother's life was cut short when she died from her cancer just days after giving birth. She fought to stay alive to give her child a chance and when the baby was born, she let go.

Another woman was pressured into treatment she didn't want, and that she hated. She didn't want to hear people's stories of encouragement and hope. She wanted somebody to let her know that they hated it too. She didn't want to believe that she was alone in what she was experiencing.

For the third woman, battling cancer for the third time, there was no option but to fight. She would use every resource in her power against the enemy. And she would win. There was never any doubt.

I know that I have oversimplified their stories, but I hope I have not misrepresented their journeys. The truth of the matter is that I didn't know what to say or do. I occasionally sent a message of encouragement, but how much of that was for my own comfort instead of theirs? What is the right way to deal with cancer when you have it? What is the right way to help a friend with cancer?

From the comfort and safety of my own living room, I submit to you that there is no one right way, for the patients or those that care about and for them.

I don't have cancer, but I do have a chronic condition that is sometimes a real pain in the butt. The woman who has kicked cancer's butt 3 times used to get really frustrated with me because I chose to see my limitations and try to find ways to work within those rather than fighting like hell to get over them. And that frustrated me. Even then, I knew that that wasn't the way this was supposed to work in my life. I've chosen to see my health issues as a friend. I'm not so sure that I love that friend, but I value that friend. It reminds me of what is really important to me and helps me to keep trying to find some sort of balance in my life.

Four different health stories. Four different journeys. Four different woman who may have been hurt by someone who thought they should take another path.

As I said yesterday, I think we need to learn to speak up, to tell our own stories, to share our experiences and insights. But we also need to listen to those around us and if they feel they need something different, to help them find that, not force what we do or what we want upon them. Telling the fighter to love her disease and see what messages it was bringing her might have not just annoyed her, but it might also have kept her from beating it. I think I should still tell her what has helped me, and what I would choose, but then I need to respect her and what works for her and support her in that.

And, I think this post just isn't about dealing with cancer. It's about dealing with life. Whether you believe it or not, I choose to believe that there is more than one right way.

-- Posted from my iPhone