Looking Forward

Today has been a really good day. The sunrise was beautiful and for most of the day, the sun was shining and the sky was blue--a very positive way to start this new phase of my life. The last few days I have been impressed by the beauty of the sunrises, sunsets, and other small things. That is something that I want to continue for the rest of my life. I want to recognize and get excited by beauty every day.

I'm old enough and experienced enough to really understand now that I have limitless opportunities to start over. Sure, there are consequences when I can't maintain my goals, but even those can't stop me from trying again. I am no longer crushed by failures or depression. I know that the difficult times are only temporary. I will get through it and there is something better on the other side.

Fibromyalgia has really been a wonderful gift. It reminds me that I need to care for myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. It lets me know if I've missed too many days at the gym. It lets me know if I've overloaded my schedule with things for other people, leaving no time to take care of me. It reminds me that I can do anything, I just can't do everything right now. It also reminds me to review my personal goals and desires and not get caught up trying to do and be what everyone else wants me to be. Fibromyalgia is my friend, a friend that asks me, actually demands, that I take care of myself. And when I don't, it reminds me, first gently, and then not so gently, sometimes forcing me to abandon any other plans to get the rest I need.

I really do not know what my future will hold. Right now I have work that I love and people that I love to work with. I hope to continue with that as long as possible, but I also know that if I am forced to do something else, somewhere else, I can find a way to make it work and find happiness in that.

I am so much more at peace than I was several years ago, and I'm really hoping that that continues into my future. I've learned a lot about who I am and what I want. Now I'm trying to live that life with integrity--to say and do, not what the world wants me to say or do, but what I know in my heart is part of who I am.

Awhile back I posted on one of my blogs about the theme songs of my life. I've had some special songs that carried me through difficult times and inspired me. I couldn't think of anything that really fit where I am in my life now. Then a few weeks later, I heard my song. I've actually known it for several years, but it had always been just a song, not a contender for one of the theme songs of my life. So here it is, and this is how I hope to live the rest of my life.

"I Am What I Am" from La Cage aux Folles
I am what I am
I am my own special creation.
So come take a look,
Give me the hook or the ovation.
It's my world that I want to take a little pride in,
My world, and it's not a place I have to hide in.
Life's not worth a damn,
'Til you can say, "Hey world, I am what I am."
I am what I am,
I don't want praise, I don't want pity.
I bang my own drum,
Some think it's noise, I think it's pretty.
And so what, if I love each feather and each spangle,
Why not try to see things from a diff'rent angle?
Your life is a sham 'til you can shout out loud
I am what I am!
I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses.
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces.
There's one life, and there's no return and no deposit;
One life, so it's time to open up your closet.
Life's not worth a damn 'til you can say,
"Hey world, I am what I am!"

I'm proud of the things I've accomplished, even if I'm not where the rest of the world thinks I should be. I am in a place that makes me happy. I am doing work that is important and that I love. It's not about what they think about me. It's about what I think about me. And I think I have a wonderful future ahead of me. This is going to be a great year. Happy Birthday to me!