The weight of repentance

I had a minor revelation today. I've always been really bothered by the idea that if you repent and then commit that sin again, it's as if you never repented. I would get overwhelmed just thinking about how many hundreds of times I would have to repent to make up for those old ones that were cancelled. I'll admit, I don't have a good grasp on the concept of repentance. I could make all the right lists, quote all the right scriptures, and generally impress you with my knowledge, but I don't get it.

Today, however, I learned something. I got on the scale and was frustrated to see that because of all the "treats" last week, I had gained back a few of the pounds I had worked hard to lose. And that's when it hit me. What I did to lose those pounds was good, but bad choices this week took me back to where I was before. Repentance is a change of heart. True, full repentance means not going back to the same things. But does that mean we should just give up if we mess up? We talk so much about repentance and I got the idea it was a one time thing (although sometimes a long, painful process) per sin. But course correction counts too. Repentance is a continual process of adjusting our lives and bringing them into line with where we want to be.

For me, right now, repentance is like perfection--I can't get there. Repentance is changed (past tense). I am changing (a current, ongoing process).

So, for now my goal is to do better. I don't have to be perfect. I just need to be moving in the right direction. Here's an idea for a book title: "Baby Steps all the Way to the Celestial Kingdom."