Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Exercise Journal 9/30/09

I made it to the gym tonight. I had to go. I have not been sleeping well lately and the pain and tension levels are really high. I could take mega drugs and go to bed for a week, or I can go to the gym. Even though exercising is the last thing I want to do when I feel like this, it's one of the few things that actually helps. Exercise is an essential part of my pain management program and I need to get back to doing real workouts more often if I want to feel better.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Monday, September 28, 2009

Exercise Journal 9/28/09

Finally made it to the gym again. The workout isn't as hard as just getting my butt out the door to go. Good workout. Challenged myself but didn't push too hard.

My notes are missing

I'm a little frustrated. I sat down to write tonight I realized that I don't have the notes I need. I'm hoping they are at school and I can get these blogs written while the ideas are still fresh in my mind. Last week I attended a workshop on autism and then the next night I attended a lecture by a neurologist on ADHD and Autism and nutrition. Now I have several blogs I'd like to write based on things I learned there and what they made me think about.



Here's what you can you can look forward to in the next week or so.



Differences: In a video shown at the autism workshop, one man with autism said something about wishing the world would stop viewing autism as a disability and see it as a difference. I will write a little about differences, but also how many similarities I saw when comparing my experiences with those of people with autism.



Behaviors vs. Deficits: We received great diagrams showing how the behavior problems are really just the tip of the iceberg. We see the behavior problems in autism because there are deficits and it is those deficits that need addressing. If they are addressed, the behavior issues improve. I'm of the opinion that this is not just about autism. So often we look at the outside appearance or the behavior and judge/react based on that, when really we need to look deeper if we are to truly understand and help people.



Balance and Interconnectedness: I am fascinated by the chemistry of the brain. I'm also fascinated with how our attempt to "fix" one thing often throws off another. Unfortunately this applies to life as well.

So, as soon as I find my notes, you'll hear more about all of that.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Exercise Journal 9/27/09

Minimal effort again today. The good news is that even with minimal effort, I am seeing progress in the strength training things I'm doing. I'm adding reps and sets.

The Sabbath

Welcome to another installment of "The Gospel According to Jeannine." The ideas, opinions, musing, etc. expressed here, though influenced by other factors in my life, are entirely my own. They are not necessarily the opinions of any church or other organization to which I belong.

Today I've been thinking a lot about the Sabbath. For me, first and foremost, the Sabbath is about rest--literal rest as in relaxation, rest from the world, rest from the craziness and business that fills almost every minute of the rest of my week. I've become very protective of my Sundays because I know I need that rest in order to function the rest of the week.

Here are some interesting quotes from the Bible Dictionary:

  • On the Sabbath the daily sacrifices were doubled...
  • The Sabbath was a holy day before the giving of the Law, even from the earliest times...
  • ...the Sabbath is an eternal principle...
  • The existence of a weekly holy day is a most important safeguard; it leaves a constant reminder to the individulal of his need for spiritual sustenance and his duty before God...
  • The change from observing the last day of the week to the first day of the week is not so important as is the concept and principle of the Sabbath. In either case, the Sabbath was symbolic of the mighty works of God, i.e., the creation of the earth, the deliverance of Israel from Egypt, and the resurrection of Jesus from the dead.

On the Sabbath the daily sacrifices were doubled...

We often fall into thinking of Sabbath observance as all the things we shouldn't do on Sunday, but the Sabbath is also a time to refocus on the spiritual things that sometimes get lost in the rest of the week. I like the idea of doubling the sacrifice. We no longer do animal sacrifice, but in what areas can I double my attempts at spirituality? This blog is actually one of the ways I can double my sacrifice. I can take the time that I would like to "rest" to contemplate and write about spiritual things. I think doubling our sacrifices can also refer to fulfilling our callings. Those certainly are sacrifices of time and energy, but help us refocus on what is important.


...the Sabbath is an eternal principle...
When defining eternal principles, most people would refer to the fact that the principle has always existed, and will always exist, that the way we apply it might change, but the fundmental concept does not and will not. I also like to add the eternal principles are also usually universal ones, meaning that it doesn't just apply to the lives of faithful church members, but the world also acknowledges its existence and usefulness. For example, most business that really thrive work with the principle of tithing; giving back to the world keeps the money coming in.

Academia has long recognized the value of the principle of the sabbath. Teachers take sabbaticals to rest, to learn new things, to focus on personal or professional projects, or to recharge, and come back better teachers.


The existence of a weekly holy day is a most important safeguard; it leaves a constant reminder to the individulal of his need for spiritual sustenance and his duty before God..
For me, the sabbath is not just a reminder of my need for spiritual sustenance, but a reminder to care for my body as well. It's a time for re-evaluation. Are the things I've been doing still working? How can I improve? The sabbath is a time to sit back and regroup and think about what I need to change.


the Sabbath was symbolic
I love the idea of the Sabbath being a symbol. I love symbols. There are the very obvious (and/or revealed) symbols of the Sabbath, but what deeper meaning lies in this concept that I have yet to discover? The wonderful thing about symbols is that their meaning can change or broaden as we bring new life experiences to our examination of that symbol. What do the things I do (or don't do) on the Sabbath represent?


Which brings me to the concept of the ox in the mire. My family used this expression whenever there was something we would rather not do on Sunday, but it had to be done anyway. The idea is that although it was work, pulling out the ox was acceptable on the Sabbath. What does the ox in the mire represent? The ox was a very valuable and necessary piece of property. The loss of and ox could lead to the loss of the way you provide for your family. They probably didn't think about it this way, but I like to think that it was acceptable to remove the ox because of the psychological stress (and some physical too) that the ox would experience if it was to stay stuck until after the Sabbath. And what about the stress of the people that had to see or listen to the struggling ox? Sometimes, there are just things that must be done.

I had 2 oxen today. I spent about 3 1/2 hours at school today getting things organized for Monday morning. First of all, it was not stuff that I had put off doing to do something fun instead; I just didn't have enough time for everything last week. Secondly, had I not done it, I would have had my Sunday 6PM anxiety attack contemplating all the things that I didn't get done. So, it's not the way I want to spend a Sunday, but it was necessary and it puts me in a better position for getting through this week in one piece, and hopefully having a more restful Sunday next week.

The second ox was my bathroom. "Mire" isn't much of a stretch. With my allergies and other sensitivities, mold, mildew, dust, etc. are not good. Again, it was a judgement call I made based on my physical and psychological health. The rest of the house really needs to be cleaned as well, but getting the bathroom done allowed me to relax a little. I don't feel as overwhelmed about all the things that have to happen this week.

So, today wasn't a restful Sunday in the way I would have liked it to be, but it was a chance to think about sacred things, re-evaluate my life, and focus on making things better.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Exercise journal 9/26/09

Really low energy today, so I only did a little exercise-core, stretches, wall push-ups.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Exercise Journal 9/25/09

Didn't do much, but did do something.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Exercise journal 9/24/09

Woke up very early this morning and since I was already awake, excercised for about 40 minutes before getting ready for work.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Exercise journal 9/23/09

Did it.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Exercise journal 9/22/09

Did it.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Monday, September 21, 2009

Exercise Journal 9/21/09

Didn't make it to the gym as I had planned. Instead did wall push-ups, core work, and stretching at home.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Exercise journal 9/20/09

Great cardio workout today.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Exercise journal 9/19/09

Just stretching, wall push-ups, and core work today.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Friday, September 18, 2009

Finding Balance

I think balance is like perfection, and not totally achievable in this life. But that shouldn't stop us from working toward it.





My life is far more balanced than it has ever been. I'm happier. I'm a better teacher. I feel better. I've been really pleased with my recent goals to do at least some singing practice and exercise every day. Somedays it's very little, but it's something and I feel good about it. In those areas of my life I'm doing a much better job.





I'm also getting better at limiting work. OK, considering the hours I've put in in the last couple of weeks, it doesn't look like it, but let me tell you about some of my new successes. First, I set limits as to how late I would teach and decided not to teach on Saturdays. I've set general guidelines before, but if a student I really wanted to work with needed a time that was inconvenient for me, I would let them have that time. For the first time ever, I was able to fill my school day schedule the way I wanted it. That allows me to be pickier about the after school lessons. Today I also noticed when I was getting tired and made a list of the things that I didn't get to so I can do them at some other time. In the past, I would just stay and work and make myself sick.





Now to the areas I'm not doing so well in. I think I either ate out or stopped at the grocery store for a ready to eat meal nearly every day this week. This is not good for my budget or my diet. But, until I get even better at limiting my work and stopping when I start to get tired, it's not going to change. Sometimes by the time I leave work I just don't have the energy to go home and cook. And if I just don't eat, I get sick. Also, in that exhausted state, the foods I usually want are not usually the ones that I know my body really needs. I've managed to stay pretty good about getting my minimum of 5 fruits and veggies a day, but the sugar and fat consumption has been out of control. Yes, I know I quit, but a couple of weeks ago I thought that one cookie wouldn't hurt. Someone please remind me that this is one area of my life that I can't work for moderation, but need to just completely avoid that garbage.





The thing is, I'm an addict. I know that in the long run I feel much worse from all the sugar, etc., but when I don't feel well, there is nothing and I mean nothing that makes me feel as good. And it's not even the chemical reaction from the sugar. It's the process of eating. I feel better before the sugar has even hit my stomach.

So, if I can manage to get the exercising, practicing, and eating all working well at the same time, what else in my life is going to fall out of balance?

Several years ago, the theme of a church meeting I attended was "Finding Balance". The first 2 speakers were 20 years old (give or take a year) and ensured us that balance was totally possible if we just did A,B, and C. The next speakers were a couple with small children who told us that balance was difficult but something that should be possible. At this point, I was rather discouraged instead of inspired. The last speaker was older and had had much more life experience. His was the council I needed to hear. He said that when he noticed that he was spending too much time with work and not enough with th family, that he would shift his focus more to his family. Then he would notice that he wasn't doing all he should with his church assignment,so he'd shift focus again and on and on. Some on the congregation may have been discouraged to hear that this man we all respected couldn't manage to get his life in balance. I found it refreshing. To me, he was saying, "It's not going to be perfect. Just keep trying."

So, I'm going to follow that advice and do the only thing I really can do and just keep trying.

Exercise journal 9/18/09

Started the day with exercise today. I was really stiff and it took awhile to get going, but I was glad I did it. It always makes me feel better.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Exercise journal 9/17/09

Only 15 minutes tonight,but considering the fact that I didn't feel well and just wanted to go to bed, that's pretty good.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Exercise Journal 9/16/09

Yes, I did exercise today. No, it was not very much, but it was something.

Exercise journal 9/15/09

Not much today, but I did do a little dancing and stretching.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Exercise Journal 9/14/09

Dancing in the morning. I'm hoping I can keep getting up early enough to get a little exercise before work, since I've been to tired to do anything afterwards.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Exercise Journal 9/13/09

Danced and stretched again today. More wall push-ups and core work.

The weight of repentance

I had a minor revelation today. I've always been really bothered by the idea that if you repent and then commit that sin again, it's as if you never repented. I would get overwhelmed just thinking about how many hundreds of times I would have to repent to make up for those old ones that were cancelled. I'll admit, I don't have a good grasp on the concept of repentance. I could make all the right lists, quote all the right scriptures, and generally impress you with my knowledge, but I don't get it.

Today, however, I learned something. I got on the scale and was frustrated to see that because of all the "treats" last week, I had gained back a few of the pounds I had worked hard to lose. And that's when it hit me. What I did to lose those pounds was good, but bad choices this week took me back to where I was before. Repentance is a change of heart. True, full repentance means not going back to the same things. But does that mean we should just give up if we mess up? We talk so much about repentance and I got the idea it was a one time thing (although sometimes a long, painful process) per sin. But course correction counts too. Repentance is a continual process of adjusting our lives and bringing them into line with where we want to be.

For me, right now, repentance is like perfection--I can't get there. Repentance is changed (past tense). I am changing (a current, ongoing process).

So, for now my goal is to do better. I don't have to be perfect. I just need to be moving in the right direction. Here's an idea for a book title: "Baby Steps all the Way to the Celestial Kingdom."

Plans for November

Yes, this is about what I am doing in November. You might ask why I'm telling you now. I'm telling you because I want you to work it into your November plans.

For the last several years I have been a participant in National Novel Writing Month. If you go to nanowrimo.org and click on "About" you can learn more about it. Basically, the goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in one month. One of the things I love about it is that because you have to write so quickly, you have to give up perfection and just get the words written. It's very freeing for me to turn off the internal editors and just write for fun. Yes, a lot of it is garbage, but occassionally you get in the zone and come up with something really good.

So, what are you doing in November? Do you want to join the craziness?

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Workshops

I'm really excited because finally our district autism specialists are doing a workshop at a time I can attend. Plus it's free. Yeah!

I'm also looking at going to a lecture on the 25th about the role of nutrition in treating ADD, ADHD, and autism. I've already learned a lot about nutrition and ADD from reading Daniel G. Amen's books and it has made a major difference in my life, when I eat when and what I know I should. When I get a little stressed out and then eat way too much junk, like I did this week, life is not as good. I've got to get back on track.

Even if these workshops just tell me stuff I already know, I'm excited for the opportunity to review and think about how to apply it all again.

Exercise Journal 9/12/09

I should have gone to the gym earlier today, but didn't. (Lots of excuses that I'll skip for now.) Instead, when I got home from the wedding tonight I did some dancing and stretching. I also did some core work and wall push-ups. I know--really exciting. But at least I did something.

Exercise Journal 9/11/09

It's a good thing I started the day with dancing and stretching, because I didn't get home until 9pm and at that point I'm usually too tired to do anything.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Goals, Baby Steps, and Accountability

With my alphabet soup of issues, disorders, and syndromes, it is very easy for me to get overwhelmed with all of my responsibilities with work, church, home, health, etc. The good news is that I'm usually pretty good about faking it around other people and still accomplishing what I have to, so most people don't know about the personal freaking out that is going on. Several months ago, I made a list of all the things that doctors, therapists, teachers, church leaders etc. said that I need to be doing every day and when I added up the time it was more than 24 hours. I can't do it all, but I can do more and gradually stretch myself toward those goals. I have found a plan that works for me, that allows me to feel like I'm accomplishing things and moving forward without feeling guilt--change that--without feeling as much guilt about the things I don't do.

Here's my plan:
On my fridge I have a list of 15 things that need to happen every day. Some are individual items and some are categories. For example, journaling and blogging count as the same item. I can't count it twice just because I blogged and wrote in my paper and pen journal. I started with a goal to do at least 3 items on the list everyday. I've gradually increased it to 7 items, but there are days that I do many more than that. Occasionally I even get the whole list. The important part is that I only have to do 7. Yes, there are days that it doesn't happen, but for the most part 7 is easy now, so I might be moving up to 8 soon.

The other great part is that I don't have to go all out with most of these. I can check off "doing the laundry" if I fold a few towels. The important part here is that I do some part of these items. Sometimes my scripture reading is one verse and sometimes that one verse leads to research on a topic and I take an hour to study. With all of these categories, doing a little usually gets me going and I can get more done than if I think about how big the task is and how long it will take to do it completely and perfectly.

So that's goals and baby steps. Now on to accountability. If I feel like I have to report to someone on something they want me to do, I end up resenting it. If I report on something that I want and am motivated to do, it keeps me on task. I recently started a practice journal on my other blog www.jmrvoicenotes.com. I want my students to practice more and at least make contact with their music every day. Since I want to do that too, I decided to blog about my practice so the students could check up on me and see if I'm doing what I said I would. Being accountable to friends is one thing, but being accountable to your students really puts the pressure on, in a good way. So far, I've done something everyday, and like the checklist on my fridge, the little things often lead to bigger things.

Based on the success of the practice journal model, I'm going to make myself accountable for something else on this blog--exercise. You wouldn't know it from looking at me, but I actually love to exercise. The problem is that by the time I take care of everything else, I often don't have the energy to get to the gym, let alone work out. So, I'm going with baby steps again. I get credit for exercising if I do any of these things: stretch, cardio at the gym, weights at the gym or home, physical therapy exercises, hallway laps between lessons, or dancing. Yes, I dance for exercise. No, you will never see it. I have the heart of a dancer, but even when I was really skinny, my body is just not proportioned well for dancing. I also have coordination issues. But, I love it, it's fun, and if the shades are closed I can do anything I want.

So my friends, there it is. The exercise journal might be kind of boring, so feel free to just notice that I did it and then skip it. However, if you see several paragraphs, you might want to check it out. I might have had a brilliant insight.

Monday, September 7, 2009

The Courage to Teach

Since I started my voice blog, I've spent much more time with it, and less on my other blog. Today, I have a post that fits perfectly with both, so I will be double posting (kind of like when I used the same paper for my college theatre history class and a music class.)

I just finished reading The Courage to Teach by Parker Palmer. When I was just a few pages into it, I looked back at the original publication date (1998) and wondered how I missed reading this amazing book in the 10+ years that it's been out. It's been said that when the student is ready, the teacher appears (possibly a Buddist proverb; I can't find anything definite.) And I was definitely ready for this book.

I'm not going to do a book review, since I'm sure you can find better ones elsewhere, but I am going to share some of the things that tied in very well with where I am in my life right now. On page 10 he says, "This book builds on a simple premise: good teaching cannot be reduced to technique; good teaching comes from the identity and integrity of the teacher."

Integrity has always been something I've worked for, but I feel like I'm embracing it more now. And I'm embracing it in a way that is new for me. In the past, in my life, I've tended to lean towards this definition of integrity: "firm adherance to a code of esp. moral or artistic values."
There is nothing particularly wrong with that, except that the values I was adhering to belonged to other people. The integrity Palmer talks about, and what I've been leaning towards now, is "the quality or state of being complete or undivided." It's understanding what my personal code of values is and living all parts of my life that way. It's knowing who I am and allowing that true identity to come through in my interactions with others, rather than responding the way I think they want me to respond.

Palmer also addressed the issue of paradox. We live in a society that works with either/or, black/white, yes/no dichotomies. However, much of what we know to be true involves paradox, seemingly contradictory ideas, that nevertheless are true and exist together. The concepts of justice and mercy create a paradox. How can they both exist? And yet this is the foundation on which the plan of salvation is built. Or in singing, look at chiaroscuro. It doesn't refer to somewhere between a bright and a dark sound. It refers to embracing both of those characteristics at the same time to find a balanced sound.

Finally, Palmer discusses subject-centered learning. In traditional teacher-centered learning, the teacher stands as an expert between the learners and subject. Everything the students know of the subject comes from the expert. They don't actually have access to the subject itself. He has some great diagrams you should check out if this isn't making sense the way I explain it. He instead advocates subject-centered learning, where we are all learners and have access to the subject itself. The teacher then functions more as a facilitator rather than an expert. You really do need to read his explanations on this. I'm just hoping to use this model more in my teaching. I think I've had some of it in the past. For example, I feel like I help students discover how to sing, and show them how to access their voices, rather that "teaching" them to sing.

It's a great book, so if you're looking for something to read, definitely check it out. I also recommend his book, "A Hidden Wholeness".

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Listening to my body

I wish my brain and my body would function well on the same days. The last few days have been very productive in terms of getting things ready for school. I've been excited about things and have remained really focused while working. The problem is, that I've been so focused on my work that I haven't been listening to my body trying to tell me that I need to take a break. The last 2 nights I've literally been ill by the time I got home and ended up going to bed really early.

One of the most difficult challenges for me in dealing with fibromyalgia is pacing. On the bad days, you feel so awful that you don't get much done beyond what is absolutely required, and some days you can't do that. So when you have a good day, the tendency is to want to catch up. I feel fine so why shouldn't I do a,b, and c. And maybe d-p as well. Overdoing leads to more bad days. I know that, so why can't I do something about it.

My body is my friend. It does give me subtle warnings telling me when to back off and relax. If I do that, life is good. If I quit listening to my body, it has to yell louder and do whatever it can to get my attention.

One of my goals for this school year is to listen to my body more. I need to set limits on what I can do, even on those things I love to do. I've already scheduled the last lessons of the day for the school year. I'm not taking any students later than the ones that are already on the schedule. It's a start.

I'm looking forward to this long weekend. Yes, I have a lot to do, but nothing I have to do on someone else's timetable, so I plan to take lots of breaks.