Trust and Change

Trust and change--two things I'm not very good at, but am being forced to learn to deal with.

Sometimes, I think the Lord uses my talents to remind me who is really in charge. And the funny part is that this is one of the few areas of my life that I feel I can completely turn over to Him, where I can give up control.

I sang with the choir in Stake Conference today, and have 4 other small performances in the next two weeks--all of them church related. I've been struggling with allergy-related laryngitis, but I'm not worried. I know that if the Lord needs me to sing, that whatever I can do will be enough and he will take care of the rest. It always works that way when I sing for church. Tomorrow I am singing at the funeral of a dear sweet woman that I have jokingly referred to as the president of my fan club. She has always been so kind to me and supportive of my singing. She has asked me to sing in her ward many times and I loved looking out into the congregation and seeing her smiling back at me. It will be strange not to see that tomorrow. I will miss her, but I would never miss the opportunity to sing for her funeral. I'm singing "O Divine Redeemer" which is not easy when I'm healthy, but my only concern is not getting too emotional. She had a strong testimony of the Savior and the Atonement which is what this song is all about.

I don't know why it is so easy for me to trust regarding singing, but so hard in other areas of my life. Maybe because my relationship with music is so different from other things in my life, but that's a post for another day.

I don't deal well with change. I know it is important, and I make do, but I don't like it. Today, due to boundary changes, we sustained a new stake presidency. I'm sure that the work will go on and all will be well, but I will miss the stake president that was released. He was an anchor for me. When I moved closer to work, I made the final choice about apartments based on which one would leave me in this stake. I've gone to Stake Conference meetings even when I felt horrible because I knew that what he had to say would be important to me, and the way in which he would say it would make sense to me (that doesn't happen often for me with church). I will miss his strength.

I also learned recently that a friend will be moving (if they can sell their house). This change is another that I am not looking forward to. I have been too busy in my own life lately to be a good friend. Perhaps that is part of the sorrow here--lost opportunity.