Not wanting to bore my friends with the same status I've used a million times before, I've tried not to post "I love Tai Chi" as my FB status after every class, but I know I think it frequently. And today, I love it so much that it is my blog title, not just a status.
Once again, Saturday offered too many choices of good things, but I chose the one that I really needed--World Tai Chi and Qigong Day at Normandale Community College. I saw demonstrations of many styles and forms of Tai Chi (and participated in the demo of one form). There were also breakout sessions, a group meditation, and an amazing drum performance. I left energized and excited and educated about my future with Tai Chi and Qigong.
But before talking about the future, I need to share a little of the past. I first became interested in Tai Chi years ago when it was introduced as part of a class on Sociology and Health that I took from Dr. Aho at Idaho State University. The entire course was amazing, but I was particularly interested in Chi and it's place in Chinese health and society. For years, I casually looked for a Tai Chi class that fit my budget and schedule, which basically meant that it was all just wishful thinking. Then late in the fall of 2009, I decided that it was time to do something for me. During what was probably a mini-manic phase (because I actually thought I had the time and money), I called and made an appointment for a massage, signed up for Mini-Medical School at the U of MN, and enrolled in a Tai Chi class through our school district's Community Ed.
Technically, I'm morbidly obese (according to weight charts, although blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. are all at normal levels). Plus, I'm not the most coordinated person in the world. (We still laugh and wonder how I can play the organ which requires both hands and both feet all working together, when other things like learning to drive a car with a clutch were really hard). I love to dance, but it takes me a long time to learn the steps, and the directors and choreographers usually did a good job of hiding me in the back. Also, every gym/fitness class I ever took in high school or college was always the most stressful course in my load. I was a brain, and my physical lack of coordination, ability, etc. destroyed any joy I may have gotten from the experience because I was worried about my GPA being ruined because I was a clutz. (Did I mention that I frequently walk into walls?)
So, that huge rambling paragraph was just to illustrate the fact that although I was excited to finally explore Tai Chi, I was also a little frightened. Luckily, I happened to find one of the best Tai Chi instructors and programs.
I started with the Sun 31 form in January of 2010 and discovered that I could really do this and I loved doing it. I had only planned to do the one session, but I couldn't quit. In the Spring, I fell and broke my arm. (It was not a sports injury. I couldn't even blame it on the icy MN winter. The clutz stepped in a whole and fell). Because of the break, I missed a few weeks of class, but then when I was healed, I started attending twice a week to make up the missed classes. Twice a week was even better! I was definitely hooked.
Linda asked me to be her teaching assistant for the Sun 41 class in the fall. (41 is the form currently endorsed by the Arthritis Foundation and is very similar to the form I had already learned). I jumped at the oppotunity to get another hour of Tai Chi for free. This year has been awesome as I've polished my skills at Sun 41, learned Yang 24, and started learning the Fan Form.
One of the reasons that Linda's classes have been so good for me is that she is really good at reminding you to find what feels good for your body. It's not a competition; you don't have to meet certain proficiencies by a certain date; you just learn the basics and gradually refine it as your skill level and strength increases. This will probably sound bad, but I think that one of the things that allowed me to thrive in this class is that there were real people in the class, dealing with weight issues, health problems, and coordination challenges sometimes worse than my own. And Linda helped each of us to find how Tai Chi can best work for us.
Last year, as I was leaving class, another student commented on how graceful I was doing Tai Chi. Part of me laughed, but another part was super excited. I've been called many things, but I don't think I had even been called graceful. (I have the heart of a dancer, but even when I was thin, my body was not proportioned correctly. And if course there was that little balance/coordination issue). I came home and sent a message to my college dance instructor/choreographer knowing that he'd think it was as funny as I did. Last week, another student used the word graceful referring to me. Tai Chi is good for my self-esteem!
Seriously, it is good for my self-esteem. Actually, the last decade has been good for my self image. I used to be super critical of myself, and I'm learning to really like me, just the way I am. Yes, I really do need to lose weight, but I'm more comfortable in this body than I was in my 140 pound college body. I like who I am, and I find myself being less and less critical of this body, while at the same time making choices to make it better. On a bad day,I might have a thought or two about having my huge backside to a group of people in an exercise class, but even then, I just turn and do my thing and forget about it pretty quickly. My size doesn't get in the way of me helping these people to learn Tai Chi.
And today, my size actually helped someone and helped her to see that she can do Tai Chi too. Linda invited me to do the demo with the Normandale classes and instructors. I'm pretty comfortable in front of our class now, but this was an audience of strangers, and although I would be in a big group, it was a group of people I didn't know. I figured I'd be safe if I stayed in the middle, and when we lined up in the hallway, I tried to position myself so that I would be in the middle. Unfortunately, I ended up on the side, so there were people in front and in back of me, but not to the right. On my right was the audience. It should not have been a big deal, but performance anxiety did get in the way a bit. I didn't do anything really wrong, but I didn't get into it as much as I wanted to. I got through it. The best part of the day though was during a break when someone from the audience came up to talk to me. She thanked me for doing the demo and said how nice it was to see a queen size person up there doing it. She is not as large as I am, but she had taken a class previously where she had been made to feel like she shouldn't be there because of her size and joint problems. She was so careful as she phrased it, not wanting to offend me by saying I was fat. I wish I had gotten her full name and contact info so I could really thank her. I've loved helping Linda teach her classes, and this comment from a stranger today simply reinforced my desire to learn more and eventually teach Tai Chi. I want people to see that you can make healthy choices and do things that are good for your body even if you don't have a perfect body.
I teach voice lessons to students of a wide range of talent and skill level. Of course I love the super gifted. Who doesn't? But what I love most about teaching is seeing the students progress from wherever they are. Yes, it's great when your student wins a competition or is chosen best in site at contest, but it is also extremely rewarding, sometimes more so, when the kid that couldn't match pitch is now singing in tune 80% of the time. Some teachers would be frustrated by that other scary 20%, but I see how far the kid has come and feel great joy and satisfaction in that.
Tai Chi is "exercise", but it is primarily about promoting health by increasing the flow of Chi. Chi is energy. One of the speakers today called that energy unconditional love and said we are all born with it.
One of my voice teachers described the voice as a glowing ball of light (and I've told this and adapted it so many times, that I'm not sure where her imagery ends and mine begins. Sorry) We are all born with it. Some are big; some are small; some are brighter than others; but we all are born with a beautiful light. But life covers that light with layers of other stuff until sometimes the light is not visible at all. Voice lessons are not about "building" a voice. They are about gradually peeling away the layers to reveal the light and beauty beneath them.
Every time I think of a ball of energy when doing Tai Chi or Qigong, it looks exactly like my voice ball of light. Coincidence? I don't think so. I think they are one and the same. I have always felt called to help people find their voices. This new Tai Chi adventure is not a new path for me. It is simply more exploration with new terminology. And it is another way that I can make a difference in the world.
-- Posted from my iPhone
