The pattern

I wrote most of this post a few days ago, but didn't actually get around to posting it.  And now I know why.  Because there was another part of the pattern that I hadn't included, and I didn't realize it was part of the pattern until today.  My body has one other thing it does to get my attention--I trip and/or fall causing injuries that slow me down.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Here is the original post:

The pattern

I've been through this cycle enough times to know exactly how it will go, so why do I keep getting caught in it? First, I get a little stressed because I have overcommitted myself.  My body gives me a gentle warning to back off.  Sometimes it comes in the form of more pain and tension.  Sometimes the warning is fatigue.  Sometimes it is brain fog.  

When I don't listen and I don't slow down, my body starts creating combinations of brain fog, pain, and fatigue, hoping to get me to rest.  But, my life is intense, and I don't always listen.  Plus I've always had that personality that can keep pushing through a difficult situation.  I'm determined (or as some people may say, stubborn).  I don't give up easily.  And neither does my body.  

When the gentle, and not so gentle reminders are ignored, my body does the only thing left in it's arsenal.  It declares, "If you don't choose to rest, I will force you to rest."  Then it sends my immune system on vacation and leaves my open to whatever virus is most prominent at the time.  If I'm lucky, it's just a cold, and I can cut back on activities to get some needed rest and recuperation, but I can still get through work.  If I've really annoyed my body, it opens the door to things that involve vomiting, diarrhea, and general body aches that you know won't kill you, but you wish they would.  Then I just have to stay in bed until it's all over and my body decides to forgive me.  

So if I know about this pattern, why do I keep letting it happen?  

I'm starting to learn that I can't really do everything I think I can.  I'm fully capable of doing any of the projects I'm involved in, but I just don't have the energy to do all of them.  So I've decided to back off.  People say that you shouldn't make major life decisions when you are going through a rough time. But I believe that that is when you make the most honest decisions.  When I am in a great mood and have lots of energy, I think I am capable of conquering the world.  But really, I live more of my time in the sick/tired mode, so it makes sense to set up my life for what I can accomplish on my worst days.  

So starting today, I am breaking my pattern.  I'm lightening my load.  And I'm committing to slow down whenever I get the early warning signs, rather than waiting until I am so far gone that I have to stay in bed.  I'm also committing to better energy management, using the energy I have wisely, and taking the time to recharge.