People who inspire us

I had a different post planned for today, but this is the one I need to write today.

I'm thankful for people who excel in their fields, for people who dream big dreams, and for people who challenge and inspire us to be the be the best we can be.

I was 16 when James Cagney died. I had not yet felt the loss of close friends or relatives, but when he died, I felt like I had lost a family member. My dad was a big Cagney fan, and I loved old movies. Cagney had made me laugh and cry. He was a "hoofer" and one of the best. I admired his skill as an actor and as a dancer.

Today when I read the news of Anne McCaffrey's death, I felt a similar loss. I fell in love with her book, particularly the Pern series, and I've read nearly everything she's written. My own style and subject matter is very much influenced by hers. She hasn't done much writing in recent years, and most of that has been in collaboration with someone else, but while she lived, there was always hope of a new adventure to entertain, teach, and inspire. It really is the end of an era, but also a chance for those of us that have been inspired by her to pick up the torch. It's our turn to move the genre forward and open it to new audiences.

AARP just gave Jane Goodall the Inspire Award and I'd just like to say that she is definitely an inspiration, and not just to retired people. She is a beautiful woman who is continuing to make a difference in the world. I've never really understood people that stand in line for hours to see a celebrity and get the chance to get an autograph, but she is a woman I might do that for. I sincerely hope I one day will get the chance to see her in person. If you don't know her, first of all, what planet do you live on? Secondly, you should read her book Reason for Hope. It's amazing.

I'm also thankful for the less famous, but equally inspiring people in my life. And it's not just in big ways that they inspire. Sometimes it's sharing a quote, or a song, or a personal experience. Sometimes it's making me look at something from a fresh perspective. And many times, people don't set out to inspire me, but they are just there and by being who they are they give me the inspiration I need for that moment.

So my challenge for you and for me is this: 1. Thank someone who inspired you and 2. Put yourself in the right places and situations that you can serve as inspiration for someone else.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Dealing with Depression

A conversation today got me thinking about what I am really thankful for this Thanksgiving. I am thankful that I no longer live each day in the depths of depression.

Do you know that there are a lot of "d" works related to depression? Debilitating, despondency, despair, darkness, dejected. I was really tempted to do the longest, most obnoxious alliteration ever, but as I mentioned on FB awhile back, overdone alliteration cheapens the message. And I want my message today to be one of hope. And hope is one of the most valuable things we can have. The hope that perhaps there would be something better in my future helped me survive a lot of really dark times.

Until you have lived with it, you can never really understand depression.

It's one thing to be feeling lazy and not want to take a shower. It's something else entirely when you don't feel like you have the energy to shower or when you've gotten to the point where you really don't care if you shower.

It's one thing to feel blah and sorry for yourself and not want to do anything. It's something else entirely when you feel totally numb and can't make yourself do anything.

It's one thing to think that you could do better. It's another when you think that you will never be able to do enough or be good enough.

But the good news it that I know it doesn't have to last forever. Don't misunderstand me. It's not as if I never get depressed anymore. I just know how to deal with it now and how to not let it consume my life. I will be on medication for the rest of my life to deal with this. I also work to adjust my diet, exercise, meditation, and outside commitments to help me get through the minor bouts of depression that still pop up occasionally.

The paths that lead us out of depression are as unique as each individual that suffers from depression. I found my path, but there are a lot of really wonderful people in the world still looking for theirs. But it's there. I know it is. Have hope and know that you are not alone.

My life today is so different from where it was several years ago. Every once in a while, I'll have a bad day and then I'll remember when everyday used to be like that. I am happy. I am really happy. And all things considered, that's pretty amazing.

Good things about winter

1. No bugs to clean off the windshield.
2. Flannel sheets and a huge pile of blankets. I love the feel of my flannel sheets and wish they weren't so hot or I'd use them in the summer too. And I love the feeling of being buried under several heavy blankets. If I wasn't so cheap, I'd turn the AC way up in the summer and sleep this way year round!
3. Adding sweaters (and therefore layering) to my wardrobe means I don't wear the exact same outfit too often.
4. ????

Help me here people. I know I had at least one other item. There has to be something else good about winter. My aunt suggested I move to Florida. It's not realistic for me right now, but for the next few months, I might just dream.
-- Posted from my iPhone

Goodbye Dark Chocolate M&Ms

Last night at Tai Chi, my nose was running a lot. I was also having trouble breathing which has never been an issue when doing Tai Chi.

Today, I've sneezed about 5,000 times and used 10,000 Kleenexes. People around me have been sick, but this definitely feels more like an allergic reaction than a cold. At first I thought it might be something in the sweater that I am wearing for the first time this season. But now, I'm not so sure. The sweater is not connected in any way to last night's issues.

So what is the common factor? I hate to say this. I wish it wasn't so. But the common factor is Dark Chocolate M&M's. I had some last night before class. I ate a few on my way to school. I had several (OK, several handfuls) with my lunch, after which I had the most sneezing, runny nose and watering eyes problem of the day. That's what gave it away. The symptoms were going away, so I just used the last few to test my theory, and sure enough, the allergy symptoms just increased.

I guess I just have to switch back to Peanut Butter M&Ms that don't make me sneeze (or quit completely, but that's a little extreme don't you think?)

-- Posted from my iPhone

Random insights and revelations

I should be asleep now, but when you eat dark chocolate m&ms after 9pm and use diet Dr. Pepper to take your night time pills, you just don't go to sleep easily. So, I decided to blog about some of my recent "lightbulb" moments.

Friday night I took a book with me to read while I waited for the choir concert to begin. The book is The Way of Qigong by Kenneth S. Cohen. I loved these two sentences:
"The foundation of qigong is song, relaxation and tranquility. Instead if making an effort and doing more, it may be important to do less."

First of all, I've known about the concept of song for quite awhile now. And I understand that the spelling of the word being the same as the word for a piece of vocal music is completely coincidental, but I still like to think of them as related. My best moments of singing are the ones where I find relaxation and tranquility. Song creates relaxation and tranquility in my life. Over the past several years, I have also learned that I was physically working way too hard to try to sing correctly. I'm learning that be doing less, I can often achieve more.

The next quote (from the same book) reminded me of Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." Neither God nor Qigong will make our troubles go away, but we can find peace in the middle of the tempest.
"Taiji means the balance point between yin and yang, the place of stillness amid change. Finding the Taiji state of mind is equivalent to finding what Thoreau called 'the witness self,' an aspect of the self that is untouched by life's turmoil and that can be accessed during times of difficulty."

Here is one of my favorite quotes and I believe it 100 percent:

"Writing is an act of hope. It is a means of carving order from chaos, of challenging one's own beliefs and assumptions, of facing the world with eyes and heart wide open."

--from The Writer's Idea Book by Jack Heffron

Writing is how I figure things out. I learn when I write. Usually I it's when I'm blogging or journaling, but occasionally, I learn something from writing fiction too.

A character in my novel (yes, the one I am currently writing) said something quite profound and I didn't realize it until I reread it later. She was trying to justify her actions and explain to my main character that it's all about power. Everything we do is about power. My main character is the leader of this group and therefore has power, but Trish pointed out a few other ways that Alanna seeks power. I won't quote the whole passage, but one of the things Trish tells Alanna is that she (Alanna) is a fixer. She's always trying to make things better for people. And fixing is power.

When I reread that, it hit me. I'm a fixer. I want people to be happy. And in many cases, it has transformed situations where I felt powerless. The danger comes when the fixing is more about me than about others. I think that this is what Trish was accusing Alanna of, making the situation better to make herself feel better, not really to help the other people.

Today, the Dalai Lama's tweet says,"Compassion is a feeling from deep in the heart that you cannot bear someone else's suffering without taking steps to relieve it."

I'm rethinking power. I'm not sure I really need it anymore, at least not in the way I used to view it. But that doesn't mean I need to stop being a fixer. I just need to fix because I feel compassion so strongly that I have no other choice but to make a difference.