Tonglen practice

For years, I have been using deep breathing with visualizations for meditaion, relaxation, and pain relief. The general idea is that with each inhalation, you bring in health, peace, joy, relaxation etc. I often use the imagery of light and energy flowing into whatever part of my body is experiencing pain or tension. With the exhalation, you then release the pain, tension, negative emotions, etc. It is actually quite powerful and effective and recommended not just by spiritual guides and practioners of alternative medicine, but allopathic doctors and psychologists as well.

A few months back, I attended two events featuring the His Holiness the Dalai Lama and a Tibetan medical conference, where I was introduced to the concept of Tonglen practice. I must admit, that I only know the very basics of this, and I'm just beginning to understand it's immense power, but already it is having a huge affect in my life. You can read a little more about it here:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonglen

At first, this seemed very strange to me. Tonglen practice was completely opposite of the strategies I had used previously. Inhale the bad stuff and exhale the good stuff? How would that make me feel better? Plus, my mind is still far too accustomed to Western thinking and duality. If something is the opposite of another thing that we have identified as right and good, then then new thing must be wrong and bad. I love the Chinese concept of yin and yang. Both are necessary for wholeness, and each contains a seed of the other. I can choose to inhale light and exhale pain, or I can inhale suffering and exhale compassion, depending on the situation and my goals. What I've found is that I love Tonglen meditation, and in some ways it is even more powerful than the more "traditional" breathing imagery. I inhale suffering, but the process of converting it to compassion to be exhaled purifies it. I grow stronger, and strangely, more peaceful as well, by taking on the suffering of others.

I started out with little things and small changes. Because of my ADD and fibromyalgia, it is difficult for me to sit through church and stay focused. We are encouraged to come not just with an attitude of seeking spiritual nourishment, but with an attitude of "How can I serve those around me?" Because I don't stay for Sunday School or the social gatherings that happen once a month after church, I don't have a lot of opportunities to reach out to others while at church. The service I attend does not involve much participation of the congregation or interaction with other members. But, I can focus on the pain and suffering of those around me and inhale that and exhale compassion. If nothing else, my love for them grows, and I am more focused during the meeting.

Recent health challenges of family and friends have given me more opportunties for Tonglen practice. I send messages of encouragement, but I can't always be there to help them through the rough times. I like to think that breathing in their suffering and breathing out compassion for them helps their healing. But even if it doesn't, it increases my love for them, and I believe that love is incredibly powerful and has no boundaries of time or space.

Yesterday as I waited at a stop light, I had another opportunity to apply my new Tonglen practice skills. The light was red, and there were several people waiting to make right turns, which is legal at this intersection if there is no oncoming traffic. Someone a car or two back evidently determined that the first car had missed some good opportunities to go, and therefore, honked their horn to show their disapproval. This totally annoys me, even when I'm not the one being honked at. If you are not to first person in line, you really don't have a clear view of the oncoming traffic. Plus, you have no idea how long it will take that first car to get moving and up to speed. Only that driver knows. So, of course, I became frustrated and upset at the honker and immediately felt the physical responses to that negative emotion. My heart began to beat faster. My muscles tensed. The flight or fight response kicked in and I was ready for a fight. I try to avoid road rage and usually think things like, "Let it go," or "Think positive thoughts," but this time I decided to do a little Tonglen practice instead. As I focused on the suffering of the annoying horn honker, I realized that there may be other reasons beyond rudeness and impatience for his or her behavior. Perhaps there was a family emergency that the person was in a hurry to deal with. Maybe they were late to an appointment due to other complications beyond their control. Maybe they had just had a crappy day and were taking it out on someone else. These thoughts did not justify their behavior, but they did help me to move away from being so judgemental. I still felt protective of the person in the car that they honked at, but I no longer felt the anger or frustration at the offending party, just a renewed commitment to be more understanding of situations when I don't know all the details (which is pretty much all the time). It also was the deepest, slowest inhalation I had done all day, and I'd been teaching voice lessons all day, so that says a lot. That's the thing about inhaling suffering, it is never hard to find, or in short supply. (If you are not aware of the suffering in the world, read this post:
http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=5879 and learn a little.) Although love and light and peace are also never in short supply, sometimes it's harder to let enough in for a good deep breath of it.

I'm still a baby when it comes to Tonglen practice and I have much to learn, but what I know and what I've experienced so far have changed me and my responses to the world. Ultimately, Tonglen practice is not just about changing how we think or feel about others, although that us extremely important. What is most important is that compassion drives us to action, to say or do things to help lessen the suffering of ourselves and others.

-- Posted from my iPhone