Funerals

As a musician, I get the opportunity to share in some of the most joyful and some of the saddest days in people's lives. Today I played for the funeral of a 5 year old little girl. It was an interesting experience as we tried to honor and respect the religious and cultural differences of those in attendance, and there were some major differences.



The viewing/visitation was held just prior to the funeral in another room at the church. I had been asked to play some quiet music on the piano there until just before the funeral. To be honest, I think that some people were uncomfortable with me there, but I know others felt comforted by the music. Sometimes it was just me and the little girl alone in the room. The piano was right by the casket, so I was witness to the sorrow and mourning of many individuals. As a stranger, I couldn't do much to comfort them, but through music, I created a place of peace for them to say goodbye.



There were two beautiful things that I really l loved. First, as I got to the chapel, those already seated were having a pre-funeral funeral, with singing and speaking. I didn't understand the language, but I felt the love. Second, no one that spoke at the funeral stood alone. (Even the Bishop had a translator at his side.) The others had one or more friends or family members that came and stood with them, holding a hand, touching a shoulder, giving love and support. There certainly aren't any rules about not having extra people there, but we generally think of the pulpit as a "one-at-a-time" place and the speaker somehow becomes isolated and set apart from the congregation. I loved seeing one woman who had had a particularly difficult time during the viewing, come up to stand with the mother as she spoke. I don't know their relationship, but I could see the love.



Sitting in this funeral made me think once again about what I want my funeral to be like. Long ago, my father told us that he wanted to be buried in a pine box, and he wanted "Ghost Riders in the Sky" and "Happy Trails" for the music. I'm not sure if he ever got Mom to commit to that. She believes that funerals are for the living. (She does have her own funeral program planned, however. But, I might need to get the updated version since I know that at least 1 person she wants to participate is much older than she is.)



Anyway, I'm not planning on dying anytime soon, but here are the things I would like to have.

1. No organ prelude music. I want congregational a cappella singing before the funeral. Mormons might not know what to do, but I'm sure they'll pick up
on it. Some awesome call and response stuff would be great too. And don't just sing the slow funeral songs.

2. I want a brass quintet to play "Amazing Grace".

3. Musical numbers or hymns should include, "Though Deepening Trials","Lead, Kindly Light", "How Firm a Foundation" and the Richard Walters arrangement of "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing". OK, yes, the first two are slow, depressing funeral songs, but I like them. I'd also like Nancy Pratt to sing "Guide Me to Thee" She knows which arrangement.

4. Lots of music, a few people sharing memories, minimal sermonizing.

5. I would love some Dixie land jazz as postlude, but that might be pushing things a bit.

6. Mormons don't do wakes, but our family does the next best thing. After the funeral and burial, the family gathers for a meal and lots of visitng. I want that. And it's totally OK if they don't even talk about me. I miss the huge gatherings we used to have for Grandma Finlayson's birthday. Since her death, we don't get together as much. For my funeral, I want everyone that can make it to be there and share memories of their childhood, their families, and the things that make us who we are.



Funerals are a time to mourn, a time to celebrate a life, a time to re-assess our own goals and desires. This little girl brought joy to the lives of all who knew her. I'd better start living my life so that they can say that about me, because in the end, nothing else really matters.



-- Posted from my iPhone