Our Responsibility to Rescue: Another Perspective

The First Presidency Message in the October issue of the Ensign (an magazine published by the LDS church) is entitled Our Responsibility to Rescue.  The main article by President Thomas S. Monson is followed by other articles/activities to help teenagers and children apply these principles. There are some wonderful things in this Message and I will talk about those, but first I want to address some concerns about the concept of rescuing and how we do it.  The quotes here are mostly from one person, my friend Katrina Whitney, but I have heard these thoughts expressed over and over by people I love and care about that have left the church.

First, there are people that don't want to be rescued.  President Monson shares a story about a man who just needed guidance and encouragement to return to full activity in the church.  I do know people for whom this has been the case.  But it is not always the case.  For example, Katrina expressed these feelings:

I am not lost, lonely or breaking the commandments and hope I am not ignorant and I am FAR from apathetic.

Natalee Lance said:

I feel more happy, enlightened and at peace after leaving.

and this:

This is my glorious journey. Please respect that. It is even against the LDS doctrine that we should "save" anyone. That is between them and their god. And mine is 100% fine with where I am in my life.

People leave for many reasons, and some people do not want to be rescued and brought back into the church.  Some people are finding more happiness and are becoming more spiritual since leaving the church.

Three more things that are insinuated if you are no longer active is 1) you no longer have the companionship of the holy ghost 2) your dreams and ambitions cannot be fulfilled and 3) you no longer enjoy the gospel of Jesus Christ. Um, sorry, but there are plenty of people who have left the church who are able to have and do all of theses things.

Second, too often the "love them" approach that President Monson recommends only lasts until the rescuers decide that they are just are wasting time on this person who will never return and switch their efforts and love to someone else.  Or the love lasts until the person has returned to the fold, but then stops because they're in and everything should be OK then.  If we really want to love them back into the church, then we need to make a decision to love and serve them for the rest of forever, regardless of their activity or membership status.  Love that is used as a tool to get what we want is not really love.  It is only a strategy.

To be clear, President Monson in no way implied that we should limit our love to those we deem worthy of rescue.  And in this article, he has not advocated the shunning or cutting off of those who some see as apostates. But that does happen, and it happens with a frequency that is both shocking and distressing.

...it is important to dispell these lies about people who leave the church or are inactive-no wonder we are shunned, given the silent treatment, told we no longer have the light of christ or worse are in cahoots with satan. This is so damaging to our culture and to the relationships of those who are in part member families.

Third, we are all individuals and what is helpful for one person, might even be damaging for another.  We have to really get to know people and what they want and need.  We need to learn to speak the language they will understand.  My own experiences illustrate that well.  I am an introvert in an extrovert church.  We hear all the time about how having a responsibility will help people to grow in the church.  To a certain degree, that is true, but I've also had people put me on lists to substitute for someone on Sunday or go out with the missionaries because they think if I feel needed that I will want to be at church and my testimony will grow. Actually, the opposite happens.  I don't need more responsibility at church. In fact, that makes me resent it and not want to be there.

Both President Monson, and Josi S. Kilpack who wrote the article for the youth use variations on the word encourage when describing how friends helped people return to the gospel.  Again, how we encourage and the type of encouragement needed varies by individual.  Sometimes encouragement comes off as preachy.  Challenges to pray more or read the scriptures more sound like, "I know better than you what will make your life happy."  To be honest, even the "we're glad to see you back at church" comment sometimes rubs me the wrong way.

If you would like to know more about why people leave the church or how you can help them, please view the video presentation here.  The first 40 minutes covers myths regarding why people leave the church and survey results about why they really leave.  (Be warned, some of the doubts and concerns expressed might lead to your own crisis of faith or understanding those things might strengthen your testimony.  If you are at all concerned about either thing happening, skip this first section and go right to how you can help).  Starting at about the 40 minute mark, you can find very helpful information about what you can do if someone you love is doubting or has left the church.

Now, I want to return to the heart of what I believe President Monson's message to be:  love.  Although the main focus of this First Presidency Message seems to be on bringing people back to church, at it's core, it is about what President Monson does best: simply loving people.  That is why he mentions the sick, the elderly, and the widowed in addition to those who we think have strayed.  Here are a few beautiful quotes from President Monson:

...they can be succored and sustained by the hand that helps and the heart that knows compassion.

During the Master’s ministry, He called fishermen at Galilee to leave their nets and follow Him, declaring, “I will make you fishers of men.”2 May we join the ranks of the fishers of men and women, that we might provide whatever help we can.

...others return because loved ones or “fellowcitizens with the saints” have followed the admonition of the Savior, have loved their neighbors as themselves,4 and have helped others to bring their dreams to fulfillment and their ambitions to realization.

The catalyst in this process has been—and will continue to be—the principle of love.

May we extend to them the hand that helps and the heart that knows compassion. By doing so, we will bring joy into their hearts...

Yes, I realize that I left out the parts about bringing people back to the church.  It is partly because one of my goals right now is to cherish the things that bring peace to my soul and let go of the things that trouble me. It's also because there are so many people in horrific situations that really need and want rescuing that I have trouble investing my energy in this type of rescuing that many people don't even want.  I'm going to love people. Period.  If they then decide that the church is the path that will bring them the most peace and happiness, that's great and wonderful.  And if leaving is part of their necessary spiritual journey, I will support that as well and continue to love them and support them in the way that they desire.

In a blog I wrote over a year ago, I shared learning experiences I had with hymns.  Here is one story from that post:

A year or so ago, I had a beautiful dream that brought new meaning to an old hymn. I've never been a huge fan of "Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd", but the context from the dream changed everything for me. It was no longer just a song about going out and bringing those sinners back, it became a song that truly helped me to understand the love that God has for each of us. It became for me a song about reaching out to people as children of God, seeing them and treating them as God would, not judging them and calling them to repentance.

The details of the dream have faded, but the feelings have not, and these images have not.  There was a huge community event that was something like a cross between a parade and a progressive dinner.  People moved though a series of churches, parks, businesses, etc. and at each location there was a performance or presentation.  But so many people were involved that not everyone could get started in this progression right away. The poor and those who identified as part of the LGBT community were forced to wait their turn in the dark, dirty, cold subway tunnels.  As we entered a church (not a Mormon one), I heard children singing "Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd."  In that moment, experiencing this hymn in a non-Mormon setting, at a church that I knew to be very progressive and open to all, I knew that the song wasn't about getting people baptized and in the benches on Sunday morning.  It was about helping people to feel the love of shepherd.  It was about loving people enough to not make them wait in the dirty tunnels just because of the their bank balance or who they loved.

Finally, please listen to this beautiful song.  You can't tell me that this was written by someone who doesn't understand the gospel.  I think she understand the true gospel better than most.

I am called the black sheep
But I call on the lamb
I am called the black sheep
But I'm holding out my hand
And I will sing for you
For the deaf and for the mute
And I will stand with you
The outcast and the accused
A coin down the well
For the oppressed and the unblessed
A shawl for the shoulders
Of the cold who do not rest
And we will build a shelter
And we will gather in
The shunned and the trampled
We will all be whole again
And I will tread below
'Til we all are pulled above
And I come not by fire
But I come with a love
Pure as a black diamond
That can never be hushed
Pure as a black diamond
That can never be crushed