The Fibro Dilemmas

As I've mentioned before, I have fibromyalgia. One of the joys (not) of fibromylagia is the pain. And because my body hates pain, all the muscles in my body tighten in response to it. When the pain and tension reach a certain level, nausea and vomitting kick in too. Luckily I'm not there today, yet.

One of the best things to help the pain is exercise. Exercise releases endorphins which help kill the pain. Exercise also increases blood flow which helps to relax the muscles. However, there are some times when exercise is just too much and I end up feeling worse. Tonight I really want to go to the gym, but my leg is already bothering me and was hurting just walking. Do I go to the gym and fight through the first 30-40 minutes in pain? Yes, sometimes it takes that long for the good stuff to kick in. Or do I take a day off and rest?

Which brings me to the next dilemma--I need lots of rest and sleep, but if I stay in the same position too long, when I do move, there is a lot of stiffness and pain. Will going to bed early help me feel better tomorrow, or will too many hours in bed make me feel worse?

The hard part is that there isn't a formula for figuring out the right answers. Two situations that seem exactly the same could yield completely opposite results. That's the fun part of Fibromyalgia. Throw in the fact that with Fibro fog it is hard to think clearly, and it really becomes fun.

OK, enough complaining. Time for meds.

Sleep

Sleep. Re-charging. Healing. Escaping. A waste of time. A nuisance. A luxury. A necessity.

What does sleep mean to you? At different points in my life, it has meant different things.

In high school, when I was really depressed, it was both a response to the extreme fatigue accompanying the depression, and an escape from things I didn't want to deal with.

In college, sleep was for people that didn't have very much to accomplish--people that weren't concerned about their grades and weren't involved in too many things. I had a goal to get 8 hours of sleep for the 2 weeks before any major performance. I knew my body needed sleep, I just couldn't justify wasting the time, except when a performance was coming up. I remember many nights getting home from rehearsals after 10pm, doing homework, going to bed and then being down at the concert hall practing by 6am the next morning. That kind of schedule would kill me today.

I have fibromyalgia, a syndrome that is connected to poor sleep. If I don't get a sufficient amount of quality sleep, the pain, depression, fatigue, and other symptoms are much worse. This week I have gone to bed insanely early, leaving dishes in the sink and other housework undone, but I have felt so much better.

I also am an extremely creative dreamer and can often influence the direction my dreams take. I must admit, that sometimes I sleep because I really enjoy dreaming, even the really weird and bizarre dreams.

Here's a poem from John Fletcher that I absolutely love. I hope you do too.

Come, Sleep, and with thy sweet deceiving
Lock me in delight awhile;
Let some pleasing dream beguile
All my fancies; that from thence
I may feel an influence
All my powers of care bereaving.
Though but a shadow, but a sliding,
Let me know some little joy!
We that suffer long annoy
Are contented with a thought
Through an idle fancy wrought:
O let my joys have some abiding!

John Fletcher