Religious freedom is a hot topic right now. It's hard not to think about it when you see Facebook posts or news stories about it daily. But what kind of religious freedom are we talking about, and to whom does it apply? What is a legitimate way of practicing your faith, and what is violating the human rights of another?
I haven't seen any of my friends defend the stoning, beating, or killing of women whose crimes are being raped, marrying out of the faith, or bringing some other dishonor to the family. Clearly (and rightly, in my opinion) we (mostly white, middle class, Christian, Americans) see that these things should not be protected by someone's right to practice their religion as they believe it.
Where do you draw the line?
I often hear from both sides of an issue that any compromise is a slippery slope. We want to keep the issue purely black and white. We want to see it as the enemy vs. those who see things my way. But the world and life get messy. It's really all varying shades of gray. The friend that just posted something that to me seems vile and bigoted is also someone who shares my beliefs and feelings on many issues. The black and white world view asks me to declare her/him friend or foe. I can't.
My own biggest error in the black and white thinking category is in thinking that everything would be better if we all just acknowledge the grayness of our world. ("All" is a black and white word, which threw me into the mess I was trying to avoid.) I've learned to value the black and white, my friends with the more extreme views on either side. Paradoxically, in declaring their extreme views, black and white thinkers open doors into the gray area for others that can't handle those extremes.
You don't need to look any further than Mormon feminists to see proof of that. When I saw my first post about Ordain Women, my first thought was, "OK, now they've gone too far. They are asking for too much too fast." But look at what happened. Conversations started. It's true that some were filled with hate or fear, but people were talking. People pushed back, and as white as they were trying to stay, they stepped into what had previously been gray or even dark gray territory. Women who considered themselves moderate or even super conservative Mormons are now claiming as truth many things that would have labeled them as liberal feminists just 10 years ago.
As crazy as it makes me sometimes, I think we need the black and white thinkers. Although I wish they would sometimes do it in kinder ways, I appreciate people that aren't afraid to say, "Hey, there's a problem with this." We need to hear where the slippery slope may lead if we are to make informed choices about those issues. For example, when
infant formula was becoming a viable alternative to breast-feeding, it was promoted as a way to help babies in developing counties get better nutrition than they could from the breast milk of their possibly starving or nutrient deprived mothers. That's a fabulous idea! Right? It was, until those mothers starting mixing the formula powders with contaminated water, causing the deaths of the children they were trying to help. (By the way, when it comes to the breast-feeding or formula I'm firmly in the camp of letting mothers make the decisions that are best for them and their babies. Breast-feeding is awesome and has many benefits, but sometimes formula is the only option that makes sense under the circumstances.)
We need people who will stand up and tell their own stories and share the reasons that they have concerns about issues. The more we know about all sides, the better choices we can make.
In the United States, there have been several recent court cases involving businesses that would not provide services, products, or complete health care coverage. The owners claim that to do so would violate their own religious beliefs. I do sympathize with these owners, but at the same time, I worry about the slippery slope. I think it's easy to say that a gay couple can go to another bakery to get their wedding cake. Why should we force someone to bake a cake for a celebration that he/she doesn't believe in? I get that.
On the other hand, what about the person that owns the only grocery store in 100 miles? Can he/she tell the lesbian living next door that she can't shop at his/her store? What about the doctor whose religion forbids sex outside of marriage? Can she/he refuse to treat a single mother if there is no other doctor that could get there in time to save her life?
Earlier I mentioned stoning a woman and said that most people I know would say that that was going too far. But what about a
husband disciplining his wife with spanking? What about
child brides? What about telling a woman that she must obey her husband? What about teaching that someone's marriage isn't valid in the eyes of God? All of those things could be defended as a religious practice. And all of them carry the potential for tragedy. Do we step in and stop it, or do we say that they are willing participants who have made a choice that we must respect?
What do you do when the right to choose your own religion is infringed upon by someone else's religion? Last week we heard
this story of a woman on death row because her Muslim relatives and government says she should be a Muslim, not a Christian. Less extreme, but still a conflict, we see
this story of a church suing because the current laws (heavily influenced by another religion) do not allow them the right to perform marriages for people that they think should be married.
Where do we draw the line? I don't have the answer. I don't think there is a solid answer. I think we keep asking the questions and we keep moving that line, hopefully in the long run finding something better than what we have now.
I love my friends whose extreme views sometimes make me want to pull my hair out or scream. I need you. I need you to show me the things that I can't see from my own limited world view. I need you to plant ideas in my head that I had never considered. I need you to remind me that I have the need, the right, and the responsibility to speak out.
I also need two other things from my extreme friends. I don't know that I will get them, but I'm asking anyway. First, please stop calling the other side evil or labeling them liars. Mostly, they are people just like you that are passionate about what they believe. (Plus, for every act of the other side that you call out as evil or lying, I can find an equal offense from your side.) Second, listen patiently to my story or the stories I can share from the other side. I'm not asking you to change, just to listen and try to understand a perspective different from your own.
I love my friends whose personalities, experiences, and/or courage allow them to live with me in the messy world of the gray area. They help me see that I am not alone. That I am not crazy. And that I can make a difference. We are the ones called to create unity. The extremists might never cross the neutral zone separating their territories, but we can stand there, join hands with each other and with those on both sides of the divide, and be the links that unite us as a human family.
