Yes and No

I had trouble deciding what to call this post.

So Close and Yet So Far.
Close, But No Cigar.
Every Cloud Has Its Silver Lining.

Basically what it comes down to is this:  Yes!  Really?  I agree with your words but not your intent.

It didn't take long for news of Elder Russell M. Nelson's commencement address to reach the Mormon internet hangouts.  Deseret News even covered it. For the record, their coverage isn't surprising in any way.  They usually have something about all the commencements at all the BYU campuses.   Before I read the Deseret News story, I had already seen reports in a few Facebook groups and I had read some blog responses, and I'll be honest, responses were not happy.  And in reading the Deseret News story, neither was I.  OK, I'll be honest again.  I'm still not happy, but I took the time to watch the video and it's not as bad as I expected.  I watched the video because the title that Deseret News used and a couple of the places where they paraphrased instead of quoting actually seemed to be the most offensive parts of the talk.

This is the title of the Deseret News piece by Marianne Holman.

Elder Russell M. Nelson speaks at BYU commencement: Disciples of Jesus Christ are defenders of marriage

These are the two problem spots from the article.

Because of that, true disciples — those who are able to stand for what is right — are needed, especially those who are defenders of marriage, he said.

and

Although the “burden of discipleship is heavy,” he said that disciples of the Lord will have help and protection as they stand as defenders of marriage.  

Most of the comments I was reading online, including this blog and this blog interpreted that as "true disciples of Christ are defenders of traditional marriage (meaning they will fight against marriage equality for gays)." Because I am always one to give a person the benefit of the doubt, I actually watched the entire address (three or four times if you count searching for and typing the parts I want to share here).  I specifically listened for "true disciples" and either "traditional marriage" or "same-sex marriage" to be used in the same sentence.  I'm happy to say that he chose his words very carefully.  It's not there.  No easy sound bite.  But the way he frames it leaves no doubt about the intent, at least not to me.  He wants people engaged in the fight against legalizing same-sex marriage.  And this is the part that is troubling to the Mormon LGBT community and allies.  A man that we sustain as a prophet, seer, and revelator used commencement (not even General Conference or a fireside or a talk in regular church, but commencement!) to address this touchy political and religious subject.  And I'm sorry, but I have to agree with some commenters.  If disciples of Christ are defenders of traditional marriage, the opposite seems implied:  if you in favor of marriage equality you are not a disciple of Christ.  Who gets to decide if I actually qualify as a disciple of Christ?  Me and Christ. Nobody else.  Unfortunately, many people in the Mormon church believe that publicly disagreeing with the words of a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, like the bloggers I linked to above did or as I am doing now, is wrong.  (How wrong seems to be linked to how vocal you are, how public you are, and if you are male or female.)

__________

Moving on because this post really is about the good stuff in the talk.

__________

What I found as I listened is that there are many good and beautiful things expressed here if you can read between the lines or remove his obvious agenda.  That is what this post is really about--all the things that he and I agree on, and my slightly different take on some of what he said.

He started out great.  He does talk about families and eternal families, but he also talks about the power of strong partnerships and working together and even mentions examples of other kinds of partnerships.  (The Mayo brothers, lawyers, and others.) Improvements depend upon collaboration and agreement.   He talks about the skills of sharing insights, efforts, and building consensus.   Even though he keeps referencing husband and wife I like this because he also included other kinds of partnerships.  He even says that we need to develop our own attributes and character.  So far so good.

He says, it's time for you to define your own goals and expectations. Rather than focusing on what you need to do,  zero in on what you are to be.  Still good.

He asks what you would like to have said about you at your funeral?  The first things he references are being a good father or mother, and I let that slide because I know it is important to many even though it will probably never be a part of my life.  He lists some other great things, and then shifts to virtues, segueing into more family/marriage talk.  He uses the word relationships and I love that.  I also think that our biggest opportunities for growth happen in relationships.  He would probably say that that happens in families.  I think it can happen in lots of kinds of relationships.

Male and female are created for what they can do and become together.

I love this idea.  Not so much as one male plus one female can accomplish X, but as the need to be interdependent, to view relationships and every part of the world as an essential part of our own experience.

He says that by our individual and family examples, we can tell the world how God defines marriage.  I'm with him on this, but I just don't think that there is sufficient evidence for us to really know what God thinks about this. I think this is one of those areas that we just plain don't have all the light and truth about yet.

Slight tangent--I'm looking forward to the day when we hear something similar to this quote from Bruce R. McConkie given shortly after the the change in policy and doctrine related to the priesthood and temple ordinances for blacks.

Forget everything that I have said, or what President Brigham Young or President George Q. Cannon or whomsoever has said in days past that is contrary to the present revelation. We spoke with a limited understanding and without the light and knowledge that now has come into the world.
We get our truth and our light line upon line and precept upon precept. We have now had added a new flood of intelligence and light on this particular subject, and it erases all the darkness and all the views and all the thoughts of the past. They don’t matter any more.
It doesn’t make a particle of difference what anybody ever said about the Negro matter before the first day of June of this year, 1978. It is a new day and a new arrangement, and the Lord has now given the revelation that sheds light out into the world on this subject.

Back to Elder Nelson.

He gives a great quote from Paul that I think many people on both sides of this issue can relate to.  In the world at large, some Mormons are feeling persecuted because they are defending traditional marriage.  But it applies the other way too.  LGBT Mormons and allies within the church don't have an easy road either.

Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.
2 Timothy 3:12 

Elder Nelson says,

It will not be comfortable for true disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ.  

(See the second blog post above for another perspective on true disciples.)

The day is gone when you can be a quiet and comfortable Christian. Your religion is not just about showing up for church on Sunday.  It's about showing up as a true disciple from Sunday morning through Saturday night,  24/7.  There is no such thing as a part-time disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Amen!!!!  I can no longer just sit in the pews and nod and pretend smile when I don't agree.  I can't sit and watch people hurt my friends.  I have to proclaim the truth with kindness even when it is unpopular.

I believe you will be courageous and proclaim God's truth with clarity and kindness even when his truth is politically unpopular.

Again, a fabulous quote.  I will just add this, what about when it's unpopular at church?

Disciples of the Lord are defenders of marriage.  We cannot yield.  

Yes.  I am all about defending marriage.  Although I'm not currently married, I see it as a good and wonderful thing and I do think that God is pleased when there are strong marriages. But defending marriage isn't about preventing certain people from being able to marry.  It's about making sure your own marriage is strong.  Can we be defenders of marriage that speak out about abuse?  Can we be defenders of marriage that advocate for more family time?  Can we be defenders of marriage that support and love our same-sex married friends?  I feel called to defend those marriages too.

The future of marriage and of countless human lives will be determined by your willingness to bear solemn witness of the Lord and live according to his Gospel. 

I'm with him on this too although we might disagree about what the gospel is.

Elder Nelson reminds us that we take upon ourselves the name of Christ, and renew that covenant every time we take the sacrament.  I'm totally with him on this too, but I think we have some different ideas about what this means.  He seems to mean that we need to fall in line and do whatever the church leaders say.  To me, it means that we remember the most important thing Jesus taught:  love.  That is what the gospel is, not a bunch of rules and not trying to keep other people from having the opportunity for happiness, growth, and love in their lives.

I'm totally open to the possibility that I'm wrong and he's totally right.  But I still feel that we are a long way from having the full truth, all the light and knowledge, that God wants us to have about this issue.  We've come a long way, but there is still a long way to go.