A Change in the Pattern

Several months ago I wrote this post about what had become a pattern in my life--I push myself too hard and then my body rebels as its only option for getting what it needs.  A new pattern is beginning to emerge.  My body decided that it doesn't need to sacrifice itself any longer.  It has recruited all things electrical and electronic to get me to take care of myself.

First, my car battery died--four times.  As I waited for someone to come jump start the car and as I sat at the shop waiting to see what was wrong with it, I had some wonderful opportunities.  I saw snow softly falling and then the sun coming out at its brightest.  I felt the sun against my skin as I did tai chi and qigong in my driveway.  I read a wonderfully inspirational book as I sat at the car shop. And I took time to breath and enjoy the every day beauty around me.

Second, my phone freaked out and totally froze up.  I didn't have time to fix it right away, so I just let people know to email or message me on FB instead of calling or sending texts.  Unplugging from my phone for a couple of days was wonderful.  I did get it fixed, but I value the time that I had for other things because I wasn't constantly checking my phone.

Third, my smoke alarm/CO detector keeps beeping at 30 second intervals to tell me that there is a malfunction.  No, it's not telling me there is a problem, it's telling me that it isn't working well.  Maintenance was out and did something to it on Saturday, so I'm hoping I won't have the weekly beeping anymore.  Seriously, 3 weeks in a row(the events were almost exactly a week apart) the thing would beep and I would go take it down, take out the battery, put the battery back in, and put the thing back up. I was just about to say that this was the one electric/electronic event of the last few weeks that I couldn't see a benefit to, but then I remembered that one time while I was there, I got to meet my neighbor.  My furnace room is actually under my stairs and accessed through a door right by the door to his apartment.  I've seen him before and probably waved a time or two, but we hadn't really met.  So it was nice to meet and have a short chat with him.

Fourth,  my internet has been so slow and temperamental.  I think it's probably an internet provider issue, rather than really one of these energy related events, but whatever the cause, it gave me a chance to do a little reading while I waited for things to load.

I'm happy that my body no longer feels it necessary to remind me to slow down.  Now I just have to start listening the first time energy fields/electronics tell me there is an issue.

Perfect Authentic Cadences, Closing Movements, and Life

I'm the kind of person that takes extreme satisfaction in finishing something.  And I hate to begin if I won't be able to find a satisfying resolution.

When I'm working on a new song, I like to start at the end and work backwards so that I can always feel like I have a strong ending.  And if the song ends with a Perfect Authentic Cadence, life is even better.  Admit it, nothing feels as good as ending (a song or a practice session) on a strong V I with the tonic in the highest voice.  OK, maybe it's just me.

I had a little epiphany this morning as I was driving to work.  Last Monday we started a new group of students in the Sun 41 class that I am the teaching assistant for.  We spend about a third or half of class doing exercises that serve both as warm-ups and instruction in the principles of tai chi.  They we teach a new section and polish and refine what we know.  After working the new group through the first few movements, the teacher showed them closing movement (which is really easy to do) and said that wherever you stop while doing the form you can add this to end it.  And this morning, I thought of how I need to find a closing movement that allows me to let go and do something else in real life even if I haven't finished the form or found my PAC.

As an all-or-nothing personality,  I've had to work very hard to do things in little chunks.  Right now, with my health issues and my schedule, I have to be able to do a little at a time and be satisfied with that.  There is no other option.  But it is so hard.  It's hard not to beat myself up when I can't finish a project right away.  And it's hard to listen to my body when it says it's had enough, but my brain wants to keep going.  So, I'm now on a search for a form of PAC or closing movement to use in everyday life.    Maybe I'll just start with singing a nice Sol Do or doing the actual Sun closing movement.