Negotiations

It used to be that when I had a Fibromylagia flare-up or got sick that I would think or say, "My body hates me." I don't believe that anymore. Over the years, I've learned that pain, fatigue, and illness are my body's way of reminding me that I need to take care of myself. My body lets me know if I'm pushing myself too hard, eating the wrong things, or not getting enough rest. Now that I understand what my body is saying, I can usually make adjustments and get back on track fairly quickly (although sometimes not as quickly as I want).

One of the big things I'm learning as I get older is that "doing my best" means doing my best without compromising my physical, emotional, or spiritual health. When I was younger, it just meant that I should push myself harder. If I wasn't dead, I could do more. To be honest, that philosophy helped me accomplish some amazing things, but I was miserable. Not just woe-is-me misery, but feeling-like-I-might-die-but-I-couldn't-possibly-be-that-lucky misery.

But I'm over that. Like I said, I now listen to my body and make the necessary changes and I'm much happier. Most of the time. This week started with a fibromyalgia flare-up. I called in sick for the Parent Open House and went to bed early. For the next few days, I made sure to take my meds, do relaxation exercises and get to bed early so my body had plenty of time to recover. I was managing the flare-up fairly well. I thought my body and I had come to an agreement about how hard I could push myself this year.

I was wrong. My body starts out with little reminders like pain and fatigue. When it doesn't get what it wants, it increases the intensity or throws in something else. So when my attempts at slowing down my life were not enough,my body took the next step and weakened my normally strong immune system just enough for me to get the Back-to-School cold. I felt it starting on Friday morning, and hoped that I was wrong or that a few immune system builders would help keep it away. By the time I left work on Friday, I knew I had lost the battle. I stopped at Target to get the supplies I would need to get me through the weekend. Then I went home and started treating the cold symptoms instead of trying to fight it off.
This is the nastiest cold I have had in a very long time. I've been through almost 4 boxes of Kleenex since Friday night. I'm resting. I'm getting lots of liquids. I'm doing nasal sinus irrigation. I'm doing Qigong exercises to strengthen my immune system and my lungs, and clear my sinuses. I'm taking meds to ensure that this doesn't turn in to a sinus infection, an ear infection, and bronchitis, which used to happen regularly whenever I had any respiratory illness. I'm trying to figure out what other things my body wants from me because I have to work on Monday. Recovered or miserable, I need to be there. Yes, I'm self-employed and can take time off whenever I need to, but I don't get paid sick days. If I miss and I don't want to give up the money, I have to make it up at a later date. How do I make my body understand this? Dear body: I know you liked the summer schedule, but that schedule doesn't pay the bills. I can come straight home from work and go to bed early every night, but I have to be functional at work. So get over this, OK. You have until 6am tomorrow.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Side-effects

I'm lying in bed waiting for the allegy meds to kick in. I'm glad I have them, even though it means I'm going to be a little groggy and super dry most of the day. Neither side-effect is helpful when teaching voice lessons, but they are preferrable to the alternative which is blowing my noise for 3 minutes every 5 minutes to remove the gallons (maybe a slight exaggeration) of snot.
I'm also waiting for pain meds to start working. I only take them in the day time when the pain is bad enough that I'm willing to risk being nauseated and dizzy for a few hours.
I won't take you through my entire list of drugs, but hopefully you get the point. Anyone out there who preaches no meds, has never been miserable enough to need them. Generally I agree that singers should avoid anti-histamines if possible, using sinus rinses and other "natural" methods of keeping the airways free of allergens. But I would never tell someone to never use them, because they live in that body. They know how it responds, and they know what they can endure. I like my doctor's philosophy. He says that all drugs have bad side effects, but some if them also do something good.
Right now, I have two friends with cancer. One is doing chemo and radiation treatments determined to suffer whatever is necessary to beat the cancer. The other friend is halfway through her chemo, has never wanted it, but reluctantly agreed to it, and is considering stopping it. At first, I couldn't understand her perspective. She'd really rather gave cancer that a few months of torment? Her answer is yes, she'd rather have the cancer. The other day, when I was telling my mom about my friends, she said that if she was diagnosed with cancer, she might choose to just let it run it's course and live the rest of whatever time she had as fully as possible. It kind if surprised me, but once again reminded me that healing is not the same as curing, and each individual has to choose the path that is best for them. Only that person knows what it is like to live in that body, so only he or she can decide what is best for that body.
I'm glad that I live in a time when modern scientific medicine and ancient healing tecniques offer many options for coping with my challenges. I'm also working hard to remember to share what I know has worked for me, without implying that it is the one and only solution for everyone.



-- Posted from my iPhone