This Introvert's Version of a Perfect Day Off

On Wednesday when I mentioned to someone that I was excited for the long weekend, he asked what my plans were.  I've had this conversation before, but the answer came more quickly and with more conviction this time.  And for the first time, I felt like I didn't have to justify it to anyone.  It is what I want and what I need.  How other people spend their free time is up to them.  My free time is mine.

I was excited for the weekend because for a period of about 37 hours, I would have no commitments to anyone else and nothing that had to be done at a certain time.  I sleep when I'm tired.  I eat when I'm hungry.  If I don't feel like getting dressed, I stay in my pajamas.  My life is not ruled by the clock and I can listen to what my body needs and wants.  I might go somewhere today, if I feel like it.  I might do some reading.  I might clean the house.

Right now, I'm blogging and enjoying the sunshine.

Theme songs

I just read a blog from a singer about what she learned about herself by looking at the songs she was drawn to. It made me think about my "theme songs".

To be honest, I can only think of two of them at the moment, but I want to share them with you. When I was in college, I discovered the musical The Secret Garden, and "Hold On" became my theme song. Sometimes I heard a dear friend sing it to me, and sometimes I was singing it to myself. Those were very dark years in my life. The only thing that kept me going was the hope that there was something better down the road. "Child, hold on, it's this day, not you, that's bound to go away."

The year 2000 was a major turning point in my life. "Hold On" was still my theme for a few more years, but soon it was replaced by "Defying Gravity" from Wicked. I felt energized and enthused and ready to take on the world. I was making my own choices, finding my own path and I no longer felt that I had to live up to the expectations of everyone else.
"Something has changed within me Something is not the same I'm through with playing by the rules Of someone else's game Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep It's time to trust my instincts Close my eyes: and leap!"

I'm still working on finding my own path, but "Defying Gravity" isn't really my theme song anymore. I'm not sure what is. I'm in a calmer place now, no longer fighting to survive, or fighting to live my own life.

I have some favorite songs, like Mahler's "Ich bin der Welt Abhanden Gekommen", but I'm not sure that I would really call it a theme song. And I love the Brahms, Strauss, and Puccini I'm working on now, but the despair and loss most of them present are also not where my life is now.

I'm not sure this is my theme song, but today it makes me happy. John Denver's "Sunshine on my Shoulders"
Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high.

I love the sun and hope more sunny days are on the way.