Summer plans revised again

In April or May, I posted about what I was going to do this summer. I think it was something about working on my autism/voice lesson project and maybe running away for a long weekend. The autism project was put on hold when I started planning a voice recital and practicing all of the repertoire possibilities.

Then I got sucked into actually getting my business more organized, including setting up the Jeannine Robinett Music Studio website. It is going to save me so much time and will really simplify how I communicate with my students and their families. But, right now, it's also eating up a lot of time. At least I'm having fun with it.

Yesterday, I found out that they are finally doing to the remodel on my townhome...tomorrow. With all the stuff I had to move so they could get to what they needed to work on, anything resembling organization in my home has disappeared. It will take me the rest of the summer put everything back where it needs to be. Yes, I'm excited to reorganize. I love to organize. I also love to do it when I have time, not when I'm trying to do forty thousand other big projects.
Oh well. The good news is that I had some wonderful people that were able to come help me move the big stuff. They even moved some of the smaller stuff that would have taken me much longer to deal with. Now I just have to empty the linen closet (and find a place to put that stuff), empty the drawer beneath the oven, find a place to put all the shoes that I can't have in the closet, and vacuum up some of the killer dust bunnies and spider webs we found when we moved stuff.

OK, enough time wasting. I'd better get back to work if I want to get to bed tonight before midnight. (I hope I can find the bed.)

Goodbye old friends (Quitting--part II)

I don't have much profound to say, but wanted to report that since the last post, I haven't had candy, cake, pie, cookies, chocolate (yes, I consider it a category completely separate from candy), chips, fries, or caffeine. However, I did have a whole loaf worth of peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches on Wonder White Bread during those first few days, so technically my sugar consumption was still pretty high. The good news is, I know I'm over the worst. The bad news is, I can never go back. My body just can't do these in moderation. I can either never eat them and be perfectly happy (and I was before) or I can eat them non-stop. It gets really scary. Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, double chocolate fudge brownies, Nacho Cheese Doritos, diet Dr. Pepper, Double Stuff Oreos--they will only be memories now.

Now I just need to renew my relationship with an old friend--the gym. I really love to exercise. People laugh when I say that, but I do. I love the way it makes me feel. I love getting all sweaty and gross (if I don't have to go anywhere other than the gym). The gym and I were good friends before I got so busy last year and would come home too late and too exhausted to move.

Another Facebook friend (and relative) just won a 5K in her age group. My knees can't take running that far (there is a knee problem unrelated to my weight problem), but I'm inspired by the number 5. My goal is to walk it.

Quitting

A friend just announced on Facebook her intention to quit smoking. She has friends rallying around her to give her encouragement and support. And I love that the first person that commented said how much better she would feel. It's easy to find all the reasons not to smoke--it's disgusting, gross, causes health problems, etc. But her friend chose not to emphasize how bad her current smoking is. She chose to show how good the choice to quit is. I love that.

I think one of the errors of many religious groups is that they choose to tell people how evil they are, rather than showing them the benefits of changing their ways. Don't tell me how awful I am. Show me how happy you are with the choices you have made. OK, I'm getting a little off topic. Before this turns into a full blown rant, I'd better get back to my original point in posting.

My friend's choice to quit smoking inspires me. If my friend can give up nicotine, surely I can give up sugar (again). I know that I can't be a responsible sugar "user" so I'm done. I know I'm happier and feel better without it. I choose this not because someone else said I should, but because it is right for me. I choose it because I want to be healthy and happy. I choose it because it is a step in the right direction.

Reframing

I can't believe it's been more than a month since I've posted. I've had lots of posts on my mind, but they still haven't quite taken shape yet. I had a wonderful experience a few weeks back with a scripture that has always really bugged me. I happened upon it while I was studying something else, and because of the other things I'd been studying, I saw this in a completely new light. Anyway, it has blossomed into something even bigger that I hope to post about here soon.

I love fresh starts and I love looking at things from a new angle. And quite frankly, in my life right now, it is necessary. When I continue to look at things as I've always seen them, to believe them in the same ways that I've always believed, it just leads to frustration.

There are two major areas in my life that are undergoing a lot of reframing right now. One is my spiritual/religious life, and the other is my singing.

Coming out!

Did the title get your attention? Are you wondering what I'm coming out about? I hope you won't be too disappointed that there aren't any major personal revelations here. But now that I have your attention...

I've recently reconnected with several people from my past. And a few of them are very open about that fact that they no longer fit the mold that we all thought we belonged in or pretended to be or everyone expects us to be. Some are gay and no longer hide it, but take pride in who they are. Some have left the religion in which they were raised, and have found great peace and happiness. I know that some of my other friends would comdemn them for these choices, and that makes me sad. I rejoice in their decision to live lives of honesty and integrity, to not be ashamed of who they are and what they believe. I applaud their courage and wish I had more of my own.

I want to speak, behave, and believe in accordance with what is in my heart, not what I know the people around me want to hear and see. I want to be brave enough and honest enough to open up to my friends and family about the things that are most important to me. I want my public life, the side of me that others see and interact with, to match who I am inside.

My students love the song "Reflection" from Mulan. She sings,"When will my reflection show who I am inside?" I can't answer for Mulan, but for me, the answer is "when I live every moment and face every situation with honesty and integrity."

The Fearless Freak

I spent way too much time on Facebook today. While wasting time there, I used the superhero name generator. My superhero name is The Fearless Freak. I actually laughed out loud when it came up. Mostly because it was really stupid. I'm not sure if it is better or worse than my friend's which has something to do with a squirrel.

But then I started to think about it. Weird, strange, bizarre, crazy and now freak are all words that could have negative connotations, but that I've chosen to embrace. I AM weird and strange. Normal people are boring.

If you know me very well, you know that I am a word freak. So, let's examine what it really means to be The Fearless Freak. (All definitions are from an ancient edition of Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary.)

The definitions of freak that I like and embrace are: one that is markedly unusual or abnormal (There is very little about me that is usual or normal.); a highly individualistic critic or rebel; an ardent enthusiast.

An enthusiast is one who tends to give himself completely to whatever engages his interest. A synonym for ardent is impassioned.

Fear is an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger; anxious concern. Fearless is free from fear: brave

The freak part I have down. Fearless, not so much.

What are superheroes? What is our fascination with them? I'm sure you could find some amazing answer somewhere else, but here's what I think. I think that we invent superheroes as a way to deal with our own inadequacies. I can't do it, but a man of steel with tremendous strength whose only weakness is Kryptonite, can surely save the world. And it's not just that we are inventing characters to take care of the things we can't. In a way they are our alter egos. They are who we would choose to be if we really had that choice. They are who we strive do be when we do have a choice.

So, The Fearless Freak is not just my funny name on Facebook. I'm choosing to adopt her, to become more like her. I will try to be more brave, to let go of my anxieties, to prepare for danger, but not make myself sick in anticipation of things that may or may not happen. I intend to passionately commit to whatever tasks I undertake, "to boldly go where no man has gone before." (Oops. Wrong movie.)

I'm taking suggestions on what The Fearless Freak's powers, costume, and cool gadgets should be. I'll write more about that later.

Summer plans

Although it's not officially summer until school is out on June 11th, I've been planning for some time now.
I always start registering students in May for their summer lessons. I'm hoping to do just 3 or 3-1/2 days each week. We'll see how the scheduling actually works. During my downtime on those days, I'll clean out files, redo handouts, and create a plan for the 2009-2010 school year.

Since I don't have any long distance travel plans this summer, I'm going to take at least one 3 day weekend and go somewhere.

I'm also starting a Friday morning brunch group with some voice teacher friends. It will be fun to connect and talk and share ideas.

The big project of the summer--Start some real research on teaching voice lessons to students on the autism spectrum. I've already made a few contacts, and I'm really looking forward to this.

Finally, I'm going to do things that nourish and strengthen my body and soul. I'm going to exercise every day--I really do enjoy it when I'm not exhausted to begin with. I'm going to eat lots of fresh, raw, locally grown foods. I'm going to spend time with people that I care about, talking about things that interest me. I'm going to spend time in the sun (and use gallons of sunscreen.) I'm going to make the time to be still, to find my center, to feel peace. I might even clean my house.