Yes, I am a Feminist

I'm a feminist.  And it's not as scary as some people might think.  Like any group, we have a variety of experiences and views.

If you haven't heard of Ordain Women, you probably will soon.  Ordain Women is a group of Mormon feminists that have decided that now is the right time to bring attention to women's issues in general and specifically to the need for ordination for women.  Not every Mormon feminist is involved in this movement, and many have concerns and reservations about it.  What I've seen though is that my feminist friends are sincerely interested in the experiences, feelings, and opinions of others.  They want to understand people with whom they may not agree.

This morning I read a blog post by a friend.  I appreciate her willingness to share her views and her positive experiences in the church, but I was concerned by her characterization of my feminist friends.  So I wrote this in response.

I appreciate your willingness to have this discussion. I think it is wonderful that the church has been such a positive experience for you. That is not the case for every woman. I know and love many of the women involved in this movement. They are not defiant. They are women (and men) earnestly seeking to know the will of the Lord. Many of them are active and temple recommend holders. Many of them have studied and prayed and received personal revelation that this is the course that they should take. The common arguments that motherhood equals priesthood or that women have the priesthood in the temple do not heal the deep wounds of inequality that they feel.

Revelation comes because people ask questions. That's why the church was restored through Joseph Smith. We have the Word of Wisdom because Emma had a concern that she took to Joseph who took it to the Lord. The majority of the revelations of the early church happened because someone needed more light and understanding and asked a question. Changes in church policy (and sometimes even revelations about new doctrine) happen when enough people ask questions and share their thoughts, and then the leaders prayerfully consider the best way to move forward. That opens the door for our Heavenly Father to reveal more to us.

I don't know what the end result of this movement with be. Some of my sisters hope that it does result in ordination for women. My hope is that it opens the doors for difficult discussions about what it means to be a woman in this church, and how people can feel more fully a part of the church. Women are not less in the true gospel, but in many ways, the current policies of the church make them feel that way. It is not Satan whispering in their ears that makes them feel this way. It is the well-meaning, but often misguided choices of other members and leaders.

If nothing else comes of this, I pray that we learn to listen more and love more.

I am a Mormon feminist.  These two scriptures form the foundation of my feminist beliefs.  

This is the first and great commandment.  And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.  On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Matthew 22:38-40

...and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;  Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort...
Mosiah 18:8-9

Feminists are not evil, scary, monsters.  They are your sisters (and even your brothers).  I invite you to learn more about them, and if you need to disagree, that's fine.  Just do so with understanding and respect.  

Radical Self-Repect

This great post from AuntMarvel inspired me to write a post of my own. Read hers first, because I'm just going to write about what radical self-respect looks like in my own life.

Radical self-respect in my life means:

• Putting my health (physical, social, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual) first.  I can only serve if I have something to give.  
• Setting a work schedule based on a realistic assessment of what my body can handle.  I'm no longer teaching voice lessons on weekends and I'm done with lessons at 5PM on weekdays so that I have the time and energy to do things that bring happiness to my life.  
• Not feeling guilty about needing time to rest and re-charge.  (Still working on this one.)
• Speaking my truth and living with integrity.  I used to be a different person depending on which group of people I was with.  Now my conservative friends know my liberal side, and my liberal friends know my conservative side, and the beautiful thing is, because they are really my friends, we can disagree and it's OK.
• Loving my body for what it can do, and not getting so frustrated about what I wish it was and could do instead.  
• Saying no when I know it just isn't going to work at this point in my life.  Plus, I'm giving up feeling like I have to justify my choices to other people.  
• Challenging myself to grow and improve, but at the same time, knowing that sometimes "barely sufficient" or "good enough for who it's for" is OK.  
• I don't have to do everything, and I don't have to do everything perfectly. When I was growing up, I was smart and I was musical, and I took pride in those things and in being the very best.  But, not being the very best scared me.  Anything that required physical coordination meant that I wasn't the best.  Gym class was the most stressful class of the day because I didn't want that thing I was horrible at to ruin my GPA.  I hated it because I wasn't the best at it.  Now, I'm a tai chi instructor and I'm working with a personal trainer and I can't tell you how much I love these physical things.  And it's because it's all about how they make me feel, not about being perfect, or achieving a goal set by someone else.  
• Knowing that what I look like, what I do, and what others think of me does not in any way change my value.  I am a person of divine origin with unlimited potential and I bring something beautiful to the world.  

What does radical self-respect mean to you?  

More Changes

A few months ago I wrote this post about all the growth, change, and transformation that has been taking place in my life.  And it hasn't stopped since then.  This is the year that challenges all my old thinking.  This is the year that makes me face my fears.  This is the year that I'm finally learning to use my voice.

I had huge plans for this summer.  And of course, you know that making plans is a good thing, because how can you totally throw the plan out the window if there wasn't a plan to begin with?  I had planned to do lots of reading and writing.  I had planned to save money and eat healthier.  I've done a little of all of those things.  But mostly I've launched another big, long term project.  I've had a blog about voice lessons and a Facebook group for quite awhile.  This summer it kicked into high gear with about 30 posts in one month.  It was great and wonderful and really helped me focus and prepare for the school year.  Now I just want to see if I can keep up with it and get more people to talk teaching.

I'm also exploring the possibilities of going into business with a friend. Right now it is probably at least a year off since there is a lot of planning and organizing and fund raising to do.  I'm not going to share more details yet, but if it happens, it's going to be a really good thing.  It will give me a chance to do more of what I love without giving up the things I'm doing now (hopefully).

Another change happened a few weeks ago when a friend committed suicide.  We actually haven't seen each other in a few years and mostly kept in contact by Facebook, but still it hurt.  And there was a lot to process beyond just losing her.  It brought up a lot of old stuff.

At my last doctor appointment, I told my doctor about some annoying but not serious symptoms. He has asked me to try an elimination diet to see if gluten may be part of the problem. So far it is going well.  There are a couple of things I still need to work out, but I'm getting the hang of it. Because I know that chocolate also causes problems for me, I decided to get rid of that too.  I think that I also have a few other food sensitivities, so this whole process might take awhile.

I also just started working with a personal trainer.  So far, I'm loving it, but I'm not sure that I'll be able to keep it up once school starts.  I'll just have to wait and see what my time, money, and energy situation looks like.

Next week is Freshman Orientation.  School starts the following week.  I'll be doing just after school lessons that week, and then I start my regular schedule the second week of September.  And then it's another wild ride through the school year.

I've changed some policies and will be requiring students to use my website more.  I do expect that that will be a little tricky.  I've also added a few more events this year for students.  My calendar is very full and very colorful since I've added colors for different kinds of events.  I'm also finally moving my primary calendar online.  I will still need paper reminders, but I think I've finally decided that online might be easier for keeping track of all that I'm doing.

Also in September I'll be a teaching assistant for 6 tai chi and qigong classes, plus prepping for the October Tai Chi for Energy workshop that I'll be taking from Dr. Lam.

This year of the Snake won't be over until Jan. 31.  What other growth, change, and transformation is waiting just around the corner?

Today's Adventure

Sometimes the universe has other plans.  Today I had what could have been a very bad experience.  But as you will see from my lists below, overall, the scales tip towards good.

Bad news:

• I had a flat tire today. 
• Although I'm quite capable of changing a tire, I just really didn't feel like doing it in a dress.  Plus I was just lazy.  
• It took over 7 minutes for anyone at Roadside Assistance to even answer the phone.  
• After that I had to wait at least 90 minutes before someone came.  
• My phone battery was lower than 50%, and because I didn't want to run it down, I didn't even check FB, or blog, or surf the internet while I waited.  

Good News:

• The flat tire wasn't quite as much my fault as I thought it was.  (Long story.)
• I had my cell phone with me, so it was easy to call Roadside Assistance.  
• Because it is part of my insurance, I didn't have to pay anything extra for the help.  
• Because I knew I needed to get to my spare tire, I cleaned out the trunk of the car.  
• I found my good gloves and hat that I hadn't been able to find all last winter.  
• I found my box of special pens (multiple colors and kinds) that I bought a few years ago for NaNoWriMo, but haven't seen in a couple of years.  It was like Christmas!
• I had plenty of change to walk across the parking lot and buy a water from the vending machine after I finished the water I had with me.  
• Plus, I found a 1946 nickel in my change.  I always keep coins that are older than I am.  It might not be worth anything, but it is fun to have.  This coin was in circulation before my parents were born.  
• I have been sunshine deprived lately, and it was a beautiful day to be outside.  The temperature was moderate.  The sun was shining, and there was a light breeze.  Plus, there were a bazillion birds around to watch.  
• When I was cleaning out the trunk, I found the Armor All wipes, so I cleaned the dash, the instrument panel, and I got all the disgusting stuff out of the cup holder.  My car looks so much better.  
• I also cleaned out the glove box and found two flashlights with dead batteries.  I guess it's a good thing I always have my phone with me to use as a light.  Must find new batteries tomorrow.  
• Since I had those awesome pens and a notepad, I did a little writing while I waited.  
• I planted some tai chi seeds.  I mentioned that I taught tai chi and the Auto Rescue guy said he was interested in learning more about it.  I told him a little, and then wrote down some places where he could find information about classes.  

Day 1 Gluten-Free

When I saw my doctor last week, we I told him that my digestive system had been even more temperamental than usual, so he suggested that I do a gluten elimination diet to see if gluten may be part of the problem.  I've done a lot of reading about Fibromyalgia and food sensitivities, and gluten is at the top of the list for things that people with Fibromyalgia might have issues with.  Some of the reading I've done suggests going off all the possible culprits at once and then adding them back in one at a time to see exactly what the issues are.  I suspect that I may also have intolerances for dairy, chocolate, corn, legumes, and nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers).  But eliminating all of that would mean totally re-working my diet and I don't have the time, resources, and patience to do that all at once.  So, I'm starting with the gluten and I'll see if that makes any difference.

The good news is that I used last week as a trial run and actually lost a couple of pounds.  I didn't go completely off gluten, but I did buy gluten free products for my lunches at work and I didn't do pastas or breads very much for dinners at home.  I found that I like the Amy's Rice Mac and Cheese even more than the regular version.  I also love their enchiladas, but they didn't like me back.  That could have been the corn, the beans, or the tomatoes.  Or it might just have been that my stomach didn't like anything that day.  I seriously have days that water causes digestive pain.

Anyway, today is Day 1 gluten-free.  I'll be keeping my food diary here, so posts will be pretty boring for awhile.  But blogging about the food is much easier than remembering where I put the notebook that I was writing things down in.

Breakfast this morning:  Pepper Jack Cheese and grapes

Singing and Healing

This really should be posted on my voice blog, but I'm in the middle of a series there and this is very off topic.  And I'm not sure how all the readers of that blog would respond.  I know my readers here (all 3 of you) and know that you will either be supportive, or if you think it is all crazy talk, you will still smile at me the next time I see you.  

I posted this in a FB group along with a link to info on the book The Enclyclopedia of Energy Medicine.  

I'm not sure exactly when or how, but I know that I am going to pursue becoming an energy healer as an expansion of my career. (I believe that the work I do with teaching tai chi and voice lessons is also healing.) I bought this book today and I had no idea there were so many options. I'm looking forward to learning more and seeing where my heart leads me.

A person asked me to share my thoughts on voice lessons as healing, and this was my response:

Not all voice lessons are healing, and I've had a few that were downright toxic. But, I believe they have the potential to be healing. I am working on making the lessons I teach healing by creating a safe, supportive, healing environment in which to learn. Learning to sing involves a lot of vulnerability, and vulnerability is part of being healthy (at least when we are not assaulted while vulnerable). Singing (good singing) is basically opening your soul for the whole world to see, touch, hear, and feel. It involves experimenting and finding what works best for your body. And that will involve making some mistakes and making some sounds that you would never want the world to hear. I give students a safe place to do that.
Music has healing properties. I believe that the music that speaks to us is music that literally resonates with our bodies and souls. I don't have all the answers yet, but I do think that the vibrations themselves are healing. This is one of the reasons I'm very interested in sound healing (using Tibetan singing bowls, tuning forks, the voice, etc.).

Anyway, I didn't want to lose these thoughts in the land of old FB posts so I put there here for now, where I can find them when I am ready to add this to that book I'm writing about teaching singing.  

Growth, Change, and Transformation

Never pray for humility.  It pretty much guarantees that you will have many experiences that will humble you.  I've also learned that daring the Water Snake to bring it on, might also be just a bit of a mistake.  I was ready for change, and I'm embracing the transformation, but there has been a lot of it to deal with.

We are currently in the Chinese Year of the Water Snake.  I'm not a real fan of snakes, but as I explored the symbolism, I found things I loved and decided to embrace this year, the snake, and all it would bring into my life.  I thought I was ready for this.  I feel like I've handled the change well, but I never expected the growth and transformation to come in the ways that it has.

With the exception of a short, vague post in mid-April, I haven't had the time, energy, and focus to blog.  Here's a quick review (not necessarily in chronological order) of all that has happened in my life so far during the year of the Water Snake, (in addition to the regular stuff like voice lessons and tai chi classes).

• Russ Smiley died.  He was my tai chi teacher's mentor and a leader in the tai chi community.  I had my TCA training with him and was hoping to study more with him in the future.  
• My cousin was assaulted.  He survived, but is now dealing with the effects of a Traumatic Brain Injury.  His recovery will be a very long process.  
• Glenda Maurice, my voice teacher and mentor, died.  
• Barbara Kierig died.  We were not particularly close, but she was a part of the voice community and will be missed.  
• My massage therapist, who has been the most important member of my health care team, found out that she can no longer use the space she has been using.  I still don't know if she has found any other options, or if she will be retiring.  
• I spent two and a half amazing days studying Soaring Crane Qi Gong with Ralph Dehner.  The insights and nuggets of wisdom I picked up during the breaks and discussion time were as transforming for me as the actual work we did.  
• I adjudicated at two different Solo and Ensemble Contests and was able to share some of the newest things that I am incorporating in my own teaching.  
• I took my TCA 2 certification class and was able to work with Ileana Ferrier and Linda Arksey.  I hope to have opportunities to study with both of them in the future.  
• Because of changes in my teacher's schedule, I will be doing more substituting for tai chi classes starting in the fall, and I'll be a teaching assistant for all the classes as well.  
• We celebrated another World Tai Chi and Qigong Day.  Each year when I participate, I am reminded of how much I love this tai chi community.  They are my people.  I have found my home.  
• My writing is calling to me again.  And it can't wait until NaNoWriMo.  So much of this story  parallels my own journey.  I couldn't revise it 10 years ago because I didn't know the things I needed to know to complete the story.  Each year I learn more and the pieces fall into place.  There are stories begging to be written, and the old stories are asking for revision and editing and maybe even sharing them with the world.  I'm currently re-reading the 10 related novels and short stories and the real work will begin shortly.  
• I'm presenting 2 different sessions at the MMTA Convention in June.  The first one is technology.  (Don't laugh.)  Actually, I'm leading a discussion about Music Teacher's Helper.  And I asked that it be very clear about that in the description.  I'm not spouting knowledge.  I'm facilitating sharing.  The second sessions is about using tai chi and qigong in the voice studio and I'm super excited about that one.  My study of tai chi and qigong has changed the way I teach and work with my voice students.  

All this since February.  What more will be revealed this year?  I don't really know, but for once, I feel confident that I am growing and transforming in just that ways that I need to and that I can handle whatever happens.